Monday, March 4, 2013
Marriage Maintenance:: So When You Have a Bad Day
It is unrealistic to think that every day of marriage will be blissful...I mean, every day as a human isn't blissful...and marriage is 2 humans sharing life together...and when 1 is having a bad day, it usually means the other is as well.
And often, because of the nature of life...we take our bad days out on those closest to us...
Others may not have a clue that you are having a bad day...but your spouse should.
So, what do you do if you are the one having the bad day?
1. Don't say things that you'll regret.
It's easier said than done. When I'm having a bad day, my words can cut Lee like a knife. I'm usually short-tempered...I usually say things that I don't mean...or in a way that I don't mean them... And normally my goal is not to intentionally hurt Lee, but that's usually what happens because I'm being super selfish and a jerk. And although it kills Lee when I'm quiet...it's in these moments that it's better if I keep my comments to myself.
2. Don't bring up past irritations.
1 Peter 4:8 says, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." I know that I'm not perfect and I do things that even tick him off. And then there are things that he does that irritate me...and honestly, it's super easy to focus on those things when I'm in a selfish, negative mindset. But it's super important for me not to bring those up. Live in the moment, not the past.
And then what do you do if you are not the one having the bad day, but your spouse is?
1. Take it in stride...
I've probably had more bad days than Lee has...and I take it out on him more than he does on me. It's not a daily thing that we take turns on...it's pretty rare for us. I don't expect his bad day just to go away because I want it to...So, when the bad day happens, I let it happen. I don't always to try to fix it...sometimes it's just best to give a little space. It may be best to talk about it afterwards.
2. Keep my comments to myself
I don't have to react to what is being said or done. 1 Corinthians 13 gives a list of what love is. (I talked about it in my blog post Celebrating LOVE, you can click here to read that one). One of the things love does is keeps no record of wrong. I don't bring up his bad days...and he doesn't bring up mine. If it's that bad of a day, I can remember it myself, and I usually regret acting or speaking the way that I did. And I certainly don't talk to someone else about his bad days. That's between me, him and God.
Another thing that I do on my bad days or his is try to find time to journal. Journaling gives me a tangible way to process it with God before I process it with Lee or (on my bad days not his) I may talk to a close friend about it. But if I have journaled about it first, I can know that I've thought about what I needed to say...and I don't just vent to someone else.
I am thankful to have a happy, healthy marriage. Most days are wonderful...but because we are not perfect, we cannot expect our days to be blissful. This is something that we have to continually work on ourselves.
Be ready to give grace and receive grace. Apologize and accept the apologies! This is a wonderful way to make your marriage better. Even the best of marriages can improve!!