And a year later, I'm holding a baby in my arms.
It's something that I don't quite understand.
I do believe that God is in control...and He always has been. Even though I don't understand why things happened the way that they did.
I don't understand why a lot of things happen...
I don't understand how those who don't necessarily want to get pregnant seem to be fertile myrtles, and those who are dying to have a baby of their own can't seem to get pregnant...and some even spend thousands of dollars on medicines to help them without a guarantee.
I just don't understand. I know that there is frustration involved...probably on both sides.
My heart goes out to the women who are like Hannah from the Bible. She desperately wanted a baby of her own...and no one around her seemed to understand...even her husband.
Proverbs 14:10 says,
Hannah prayed quietly...silently...as she was sobbing...pouring out her heart to God...and she was a mess...a wreck...so much so that she was accused of being drunk!
After crying out to the Lord, God answered her prayers. (You can read more of Hannah's story by clicking here)
But that answer doesn't always happen that way for every woman who prays - even with that desperation.
And that is what I don't understand...
My dad has a special faith to pray for women to have babies. I don't know why...but he does. One of my co-workers at Buras Middle School had severe medical issues and was told that she would never have kids of her own. My dad came to the school for a grandparents lunch to eat with my nephew...and my dad stopped by as I was talking to this lady. I told him she was hoping to have a baby, and he didn't know any of her circumstances...he just put his hand on her shoulder and said a simple prayer...
Later that year, she became pregnant and has a healthy little boy...despite what the doctors told her.
But even all of his prayers don't get answered.
There were 2 women that we prayed for every night at dinner time while I was growing up...literally, every evening...
And one of them had 2 children, and the other didn't. Even though my dad had prayed for both of them equally. (And these ladies are still best friends!!)
Faith requires believing without seeing what is ahead...trusting that things are going to work out...that God is working on my behalf...and that He has my best interest in mind. Even though it usually doesn't seem that way during the hard times!! That's what faith and trust are about.
I'm thrilled to be holding my baby girl in my arms. I am finding myself savoring the moments even more now...I know that she is a miracle...and how quickly time will pass and she will no longer be so small. In just a few days she'll already be a month old.
I'm thankful that God has chosen me to be a mother. I have accepted this role, and I know that these seasons of life will change before I realize it.
I will continue to pray for my friends who desperately want children of their own...And I know you probably don't want to hear this, but it's so important to not get caught up in what you don't have...but focus on what you do...those in your life who need you now...the things that God has called you to do now. And I believe God is working on your behalf if you trust Him to.