One week I felt pregnant, the next week I didn't.
Lee kept telling me that I was showing the signs of pregnancy...and I kept denying it. I didn't feel pregnant...until I realized I wanted to drink chocolate milk 3 times a day, and I seemed extra exhausted.
So, Lee bought a test to prove me wrong...and I took the test to prove him wrong. Well, he was right and I was wrong. The test didn't even take 30 seconds to say that I was pregnant. It actually showed positive for pregnancy before it even showed that the test was working accurately.
Lance, who works with Lee at Chi Alpha, was at our house when this all took place. He saw first hand the shock that we were feeling. There were going to be 3 kids under the age of 4 at our house within a year. It was crazy to think that way! But it was exciting! Our kids play well together...they love each other so much. It would be fun to have 3.
We didn't tell very many people. I know that there is a high risk for any pregnancy ending in a miscarriage before the 13 week mark. So, Lee & I knew we would wait until the first trimester would be over before we announced it. (Actually, we were planning on announcing it at our Chi Alpha Christmas Soiree this Tuesday night.)
We did tell our parents, siblings, a few other family members, and the staff at Chi Alpha. It was a new life that was worth being excited about!
Lee & I both had this slight nudging feeling that we were going to lose the baby. We didn't talk about it often, but we would mention it and move on. There was nothing we could do about it either way...except pray. And we've been praying for 8 years that God would give us happy, healthy babies who love Him and serve Him. And He has already answered that prayer twice.
A week after I took the pregnancy test, Lee & I were watching late night tv, and suddenly my back started hurting really bad. Lee googled it and said that back pain wasn't normal and it was a sign of miscarriage. I also started spotting, which is another sign of miscarriage.
I called the doctor the next morning, and they wanted to see me. They did an ultrasound and bloodwork. According to my last cycle, I should have been 8 weeks pregnant, and there should have been a detectable heartbeat, but there wasn't. Dr. Hardey didn't want to give up completely. So, he asked me to come back a week later.
It was a rough week. I kept waiting to just start bleeding. All the time. I didn't want to leave my house because I didn't want to be humiliated in public. I didn't know if I would hemorrhage...if I would need to go to the ER. It was a looooonnnggg week.
I had some more spotting, and expected the worse to happen. But it didn't. It was an emotional roller coaster. I had a friend call to ask a question, and I just started crying as I explained what was going on. Lee & I then spent some time hugging as we cried together. It was a loss for us and our family. It was just a deeply emotional time for us.
Yet this whole time, we were trusting God. He knows what our family needs, what our family can handle...I believe God created a woman's body to work a certain way, and a miscarriage is the body's natural way of taking care of something that is not healthy...there was something wrong this time with this baby. At the next doctor's appointment, Lee & I went in for another ultrasound. There was no changes, no heartbeat. We had a few options...to let it happen naturally, to take medicine to help it happen naturally, or to have a surgical procedure called a D & C to remove the tissue that was there.
Lee & I talked about it, and scheduled a D & C for the next morning. We did the paperwork, got the bloodwork and everything else done that needed to be done before hand all taken care of. And we were at the hospital at 5:30 am the next morning. (A huge thank you to Hope for staying with our kids at home!!)
I had a friend call me the night before the procedure...after she had brought us dinner, called throughout the week to check on us...and she told me that she had this procedure done as well - except hers was in an emergency setting. And when she went home, she took a nap, and when she woke up she felt normal.
I was ready to feel normal.
I had the procedure done. It took 5 minutes. After waking up from the anesthesia and spending a little bit in recovery, I was back in the room with Lee in no time. I fell asleep for about an hour there, and when I woke up, I felt great. Seriously. I was in shock at how well I felt.
We came home, ate some breakfast with Hope, and then Lee went out to run some errands while I packed up some clothes to go to my parents.
We left that afternoon and had the pre-Thanksgiving dinner with my family that night, and I was able to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family without any worries or any pain.
God is so faithful to us. He takes such good care of us.
All of this happened so fast in our lives, and I'm not sure why it all happened. Yet I still trust God. Now more than ever I know how precious the lives are of the children that we have. How precious the lives of the students we minister to...the ones who come from good, bad, broken and/or dysfunctional families...that they are here for a reason. A divine purpose. It wasn't an accident that they were born.
We are all fearfully and wonderfully made...Psalm 139:14
Thank you for sharing and being open about your experience. I lost my little girl at 19.4wks in August and I think the only thing that gets me through the day sometimes Is knowing that she is in heaven with our Father. If you haven't read "heaven is for real" yet I highly recommend it! God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteYes, thank you for sharing your story. I lost our second child at about the same time in my pregnancy. It took me a few years before I even wanted to try again. I was so fearful it would happen again. But 5 years later our amazing little boy was born and he is the coolest 6 year old alive :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Bri... I'm sorry for your family's loss. And I appreciate your take on miscarriage. This was something my mom experienced three times after she had me and I always wondered what that was like for her. Thank you for sharing your story! Love you!
ReplyDeleteBri, I love you guys so much. Thanks for sharing this. It just proves to me even more the amazing men and women of God He has place in our lives. Praying for you both!
ReplyDeleteNot sure how I stumbled on your blog but feel I was meant to see this. I lost my baby girl at 20 weeks in 2007. the only thing that helps is knowing she is resting in the arms of our Lord. But, this is something I have not and will never be able to let go or move on from. I don't think any parent every truly gets past something like this. Losing a child that was healthy and alive when born left a stabbing pain inside me that never goes away. She lived over 3 hours. I only saw her momentarily before being rushed into surgery. I had gone into early labor and when she was born I had an abruption and part of the placenta remained attached. I was bleeding to death. She was born healthy and alive but much too small to help survive. She was a surprise pregnancy, our other daughter was a year at the time and they would have been almost exactly a year apart if she would have gone full term to December. we are approaching her 5th birthday on July 23 which we will celebrate by placing new flowers, usually daises, on her grave. This will also be the first year our other kids will celebrate with us. They are now old enough to understand and know they have a sister waiting for them in Heaven.
ReplyDeletewow. What a story! I'm so sorry for your loss. Daisies are my favorite flowers...and that is wonderful that you still get to celebrate her - along with your family too.
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