In a Year's Time: A Miscarriage and A Newborn

Around this time last November (the day before Thanksgiving to be exact), I was having a D & C procedure to make sure that everything was taken care of for the miscarriage that I was having.

And a year later, I'm holding a baby in my arms.

It's something that I don't quite understand.

I do believe that God is in control...and He always has been. Even though I don't understand why things happened the way that they did.

I don't understand why a lot of things happen...

I don't understand how those who don't necessarily want to get pregnant seem to be fertile myrtles, and those who are dying to have a baby of their own can't seem to get pregnant...and some even spend thousands of dollars on medicines to help them without a guarantee.

I just don't understand. I know that there is frustration involved...probably on both sides.

My heart goes out to the women who are like Hannah from the Bible. She desperately wanted a baby of her own...and no one around her seemed to understand...even her husband.

Proverbs 14:10 says,

New Living Translation (©2007) Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy.

Hannah prayed quietly...silently...as she was sobbing...pouring out her heart to God...and she was a mess...a wreck...so much so that she was accused of being drunk! 

After crying out to the Lord, God answered her prayers. (You can read more of Hannah's story by clicking here)

But that answer doesn't always happen that way for every woman who prays - even with that desperation. 

And that is what I don't understand...

My dad has a special faith to pray for women to have babies. I don't know why...but he does. One of my co-workers at Buras Middle School had severe medical issues and was told that she would never have kids of her own. My dad came to the school for a grandparents lunch to eat with my nephew...and my dad stopped by as I was talking to this lady. I told him she was hoping to have a baby, and he didn't know any of her circumstances...he just put his hand on her shoulder and said a simple prayer...

Later that year, she became pregnant and has a healthy little boy...despite what the doctors told her. 

But even all of his prayers don't get answered. 

There were 2 women that we prayed for every night at dinner time while I was growing up...literally, every evening...

And one of them had 2 children, and the other didn't. Even though my dad had prayed for both of them equally. (And these ladies are still best friends!!)

Faith requires believing without seeing what is ahead...trusting that things are going to work out...that God is working on my behalf...and that He has my best interest in mind. Even though it usually doesn't seem that way during the hard times!! That's what faith and trust are about. 

I'm thrilled to be holding my baby girl in my arms. I am finding myself savoring the moments even more now...I know that she is a miracle...and how quickly time will pass and she will no longer be so small. In just a few days she'll already be a month old. 

I'm thankful that God has chosen me to be a mother. I have accepted this role, and I know that these seasons of life will change before I realize it. 

I will continue to pray for my friends who desperately want children of their own...And I know you probably don't want to hear this, but it's so important to not get caught up in what you don't have...but focus on what you do...those in your life who need you now...the things that God has called you to do now. And I believe God is working on your behalf if you trust Him to. 

Week 1 with a Newborn...

Breelee is officially one week old.

She's been a part of the outside world for a whole week now. a whole week!

God has really given me grace for this time around post-partumn.

This is the best I've felt...it's unbelievable to me.

I've hardly had the baby blues...I have only cried a couple of times. My hormones feel pretty balanced.

Physically, I feel great. I mean, I'm still a little sore...and my back hurts as my hips are readjusting, but I am getting around great. Ladies, this is a bonus for going natural!! :)

Breelee is a phenomenal sleeper. I don't want to take that for granted at all. At all...

Bella was a fussy baby from the get-go...Brennan had his days and nights mixed up and was nursing every 2 hours. But this girl...she likes to sleep (definitely her momma's child there!) Since we've been using the gas drops, she's been sleeping 3 hours...wakes up, nurses...and stays away for 20 minutes or so and then goes back to sleep. Hallelujah!! Last night, she slept for 4 hours, nursed, went back to sleep for 4 more hours...so I slept great! I'm soooo thankful for that.

I can say that being prepared before hand - the whole "knowing my trigger points"- has helped tremendously...(click here to read that blog post)

I'm glad that I got my hair cut before hand...it really has helped me feel better. I love it and it's super easy to fix...but it has made me feel more like me...so I'm just glad that I didn't wait until after she was born...

Also, I have been doing my make-up every day, even if I'm just staying at home and I know no one is coming over...it just helps me feel good.

And, since I hadn't gained a ton of weight this time, my belly has shrunk tremendously. Clothes still don't fit the same since my hips feel about a mile apart from each other...but I have 2 black maternity t-shirts that I'm wearing the threads out of. They fit really good and I feel good wearing them. So, I just make sure that I wash one soon enough to wear the next day...because they have both been spit up on already :)

And with the flexibility that we have right now, Lee is able to be home to help me as much as he can. It's wonderful being together as a family of 5. We really are the Fantastic Five. Our kids love Breelee...they are thrilled to have her here. And because she's such a wonderful sleeper, I'm able to lay her in her Rock and Play sleeper (thanks to my Mom and Dad!!) and spend time snuggling and playing with Bella and Brennan. It's been fabulous.

Thank you to all who have prayed for our family. Sure, it has been sad knowing we are sooo far from friends and family. I'm thankful for Skype and FaceTime, but it's not the same as my mom and dad actually getting to hold my newest little girl...or having everyone come over to our house.

We've been blessed to be a part of a great community and family here, though. The Thornton family (living here as a transplant from Vidalia) brought a meal to church for us on Sunday, and Amy was able to bring it to us on her way home. Lara, our friend and fellow member of our launch team, came over last night and cooked for us and watched tv with us (which is one of our favorite things to do)...and then Rachel, a neighbor who lives down the street (living here so her husband can go to seminary), brought us dinner tonight. And there are other friends who are planning on bringing food, too!! Plus, our neighbor Kelly has come to get Bella to play with her 3 year old daughter...which makes Bella very excited!!! We are just so blessed by all of this - even at 1400 miles away from home!!

Thanks also to all of you who have blessed us financially. We've been given things for the baby...including diapers!!! And the cards and checks that come in the mail are so encouraging...and knowing that God is taking care of us during this time is encouraging us more than you'll ever know. He is our provider...and He uses His people to be a part of His provision. It is humbling and exciting all at the same time!

There is a great sense of peace that is permeating our home. We know that the presence of God is here with us. It's almost overwhelming...in a good way...such a beautiful thing. When it could be chaotic and out of control...we are resting fully in the fact that we know that God is with us, and He is in control.