Thursday, March 31, 2011

Grateful When I Don't Want to Be...

Here it is Thankful Thursday...supposed to be working on my attitude of gratitude...and I'm stressed out. I can't find my keys. The last time I remember using them was driving to church on Friday night for the Celebration of Marriage banquet. I don't remember anything after that. Brennan was screaming on the way there. I was frazzled. I got the kids out of the car and that was that. I had dropped Lee off earlier, so when we left the church, we used his keys.

Then we left for District Council...I didn't have my keys but didn't need them because Lee had his. So, it's almost been a week since I've used them, and finding them is the great mystery. I'm stressed. I don't feel grateful. All I want to do is cry. And it is not just because of the keys...that's just an additional thing to stress about.

I know that God can help me find my keys. He helped me find my ring when it was lost. I think about the parable of the woman who lost a coin. And then when she found it, she rejoiced greatly. I know that this is just a frustration right now...but it is just keys. I can praise God even when my keys are not in the million places that I've looked...and I have to keep looking for the million and one....or two or three.

I am thankful that I have a car that works...and I have a key. I'm not stuck at home. I'm thankful that I have a husband who is concerned about my keys and all of the other things that I've lost since we've been married...and he is patient with me. I know he gets frustrated with me, but he's still patient with me.

I have so much more to be thankful for. The keys will turn up. If they don' will still move on. I'll still be able to drive my vehicle. The faithfulness of God is not determined by if my keys show up or not. He's still faithful to me...And for that I am grateful.

But, if you see a set of keys....

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Attitude of Gratitude

An attitude of gratitude can change just about anything.

A lot of times, it is easier for me to find the negative instead of the positive. I don't consider myself to be a pessimist, but I don't always look for the positive immediately.

So, in order to work on my attitude of gratitude, I'm going to start writing about my Thankful Thursdays to show myself and the rest of the world the positive things in my life that I am thankful for.

So, for, when I begin to think about all that I have to be thankful for, I almost don't know where to start! But, for today...

1) I am thankful that Bella has a great sleeping pattern at home. She walks to her bed most of the time. It's the most precious thing to hear her say, "Goodnight Mommy, I love you...Sweet dreams..." Oh how it melts my heart!! She loves her bed like I love mine. She's definitely my child.

2) I am thankful for our family photographer...Ana Treuil She does amazing work. You'll be seeing more of our family pictures soon!! But they are already making their way to our blogs and facebook pages!

3) I'm thankful that we have a house with a yard...and we even have a dog in the back for Bella to play with, and a duck pond to walk to. It's nice living here. I like it. Sure, I still want a house of my own to be able to paint and do whatever I want with...but we have a pretty good deal going on here. Wonderful neighbors to look out for us...a lot of land around us...and the convenience of being just close enough to everything.

Of course there is a ton more that I am thankful for, but that's what I'm going to focus on today. Next Thursday I'll have some other things to share!!!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tummy Troubles

It's amazing what you can do for your's things I wouldn't naturally do for anyone else.

A stomach bug hit our family this weekend. We don't know if it was from something that we ate or what. Bella got sick on our way to Houston. We were heading there for my cousin Braden's wedding - which Lee was performing the ceremony. It was the first time that she could communicate that her tummy hurt. (It's kinda nice to be at this stage - when she cries, she can explain why she's crying. Much better than trying to figure it out on my own!!) She required an outfit change on the way there, but then she seemed fine.

On Saturday, Brennan threw up after every feeding. Immediately after the feeding, so it ended up on me. Thankfully we were able to go by my Uncle Oscar's house to wash clothes because even with the extras, we were running out of them fast!! His tummy seemed to calm down later during the day, but still threw up at 4 am on Sunday and again 4 am at home Monday.

Lee and I both had some of our own issues during the weekend, and thought we were getting rid of it...

Then Monday night Bella's tummy was still not settled, and she threw up on me. She doesn't throw up...she's only vomited like 5 times in her 2+ years of life. This was very upsetting for her.

Fun times.

I can tell you that I'm thankful for an amazing husband who helped clean me and the kids up. Both of us were not really feeling well ourselves and are not fans of vomiting....ok, I don't really know who is...but some handle it better than others. I am usually the one who starts gagging when I see, hear, or smell vomit. Lee does too. But, we were able to clean up our kids and move on. Like I said, it's amazing what you can do for your kids.

The bug seems to be leaving our house today. I plan on helping it by doing something else that I dislike - cleaning! :) I don't mind though...I don't want any trace of this being around our house.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Missing Blog Posts

I've written and erased a few blog entries lately. I'm not always the best at communicating how I feel. Sometimes I can get my point across concisely...other times I feel like I'm just rambling. I feel like I've been rambling a lot. Therefore, no posts.

Then there is this feeling that I have to be upbeat and positive in my posts. And to be honest, it's hard to be upbeat and positive all of the time. Therefore, no posts.

So, where does that leave me today? I like blogging. I like sharing my thoughts. I like thinking that there is someone out there who is reading this who knows how I feel...understands where I am...or may be going through what I'm going through. This helps me. I refuse to let my blog become my personal journal. Some thoughts are better left unshared.

I have been reading and participating in the Joli blog -, which is for the women of Crossroads Church in Lafayette, LA. Twice a week the posts are dedicated to the online Bible study of the book So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. I think that I'm seeing more and more that my insecurity is appearing perfect. I don't know where that comes from. I know that I'm not perfect, but my pride wants me to believe that I am. I want to appear that I have it all together. That there are no cracks in the surface of me, and that the deeper you go the better I become. As I write this, I realize how ridiculous this sounds. It's embarrassing. But it's true. I want to seem perfect, like the best at what I'm good at - because I know I'm not good at everything, but what I am good at, I should be the best.

Maybe I'm being a little too honest here. Maybe not. Maybe I need help. Maybe I'll just post it...

Monday, March 14, 2011


I've said it before (and recently too) that I don't like to clean. Ulgh. And I feel guilty when my husband comes home and spends time cleaning...something I feel like I should do.

I have a new inspiration for cleaning though. I have a bottom-feeder moving around my house. Brennan is quickly approaching the crawling stage. He's moving fast with his little army crawl. And when he sees something on the floor that he wants, he can get to it pretty fast. Of course whatever he gets goes straight to his mouth.

It's like we just got out of that baby-proofing stage and we're right back in it again! Bella still puts stuff in her mouth, but not like him. Everything goes to his mouth.

So, for the safety of my child, I must clean. It's extrinsic motivation, but I would love to have some intrinsic motivation too. Coming from the inside...knowing that I would enjoy it.

I think I'm going to read Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. I know he talked about building a relationship with God while doing the dishes at the monastery he was a part of. Maybe I'll start posting insights from my reading...

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Clean Up

How do you develop a love for something that you don't love or even like??

I don't love to clean. I don't like to clean. I don't like things dirty...but it feels like it's such a boring, fingernails-on-a-chalkboard kind of thing to me to make things clean.

I don't know why I have this relationship with cleaning. I always seemed to have a messy room when I was growing up. I went to a private Bible college, and we had room checks once a week - Tuesdays I think...and that was the day that my dorm room was the cleanest. Now, I lived with a lot of people while I was in school there...some were messier than I was (even a little gross at times) and some were much neater than I was. But, as always, our room was clean once a week to avoid the consequences of demerits and then fines.

Now, I don't have the consequences of fines or demerits. No, I would never let Lee give me demerits for not cleaning...

I just wish that I loved to clean. I've heard from my friends who are like OCD about this, and they tell me that I should be happy that I'm not OCD about cleaning because it would drive me crazy, as well as everyone else around me crazy too.

So, I need to find a balance. I want to learn to love to clean. It's a lot better now that we have a house, and it's easier that most things have a place of their own. I just want to get better at it. I've got goals and steps to reaching those goals. I just lack consistency in this.

This really is an area of my life that I would like to hide from everyone. I don't like for people to know that I can be a mess. That not every part of my world is cookie cutter neat. This is a weakness of mine. A weakness I would like to improve.