Boys Will Be Boys

I've been given (or bought for myself) several marriage books over the years.

It's true that it takes a lot of work to make a marriage work, and there are a few books that have really helped me understand how to make our marriage better.

One of the books was a little, tiny thing...something about "How to be the wife your husband has always desired..." I can't remember the title, and due to the fire, I don't think I have it anymore - and to be fair, Lee had the other one, "How to be the husband your wife has always desired..."

Anyways, the thing that stuck out to me the most about this book was this piece of advice:
"Let boys be boys and play with their toys."

The author talked about how much better of a husband her man was after he was able to go out and ride 4wheelers with his friends. And she stressed about letting him go BEFORE she asked him to finish the honey-do list...And that he often came home ready to tackle her list without her ever mentioning it to him.

This has been true in our relationship.

It's so important for Lee to spend time with guys and me to spend time with girls. Not all of our time has to be spent with each other. And not all of our time has to be spent at home.

Lee pays more attention to me after he's been hanging out with guys. He's more affectionate towards me and the kids. He's also more ready to wrestle and tickle...forcing me to be more playful than I normally am.  And he's more than happy to stay with the kids and let me get out for a while.

Our marriage is a partnership. We are two individuals who are joined together as one...but we don't lose our own identities...and we don't live separate lives either. It's a delicate balance.  And we have to work hard to make sure that it doesn't get out of balance.

I know that Lee loves me just as much if not more after he's had a time of being a boy. I can't explain it. I'm sure there is some physiological explanation that I'm totally unaware of. But I will settle for the proof in the tender hug and kiss I get from him when he gets home after he has been out with the guys.

There's nothing wrong with a boy being a boy.

Marriage Maintenance - Fighting Fair

I started reading a new book...Four Days to a Forever Marriage: Choosing Love over Anger

It's in a conversational format, and it's written by both husband and wife - Dr. Gary & Norma Smalley. It's really cool to see both sides to their story. Because just like in my house, men & women view things soooo differently.

One thing that has stuck out to me the most is one of their "fighting rules," which is to "maintain as much tender physical contact as possible. Hold hands."

The last thing I want to do when I'm mad is touch Lee in a tender way...much less hold his hand. Especially if I'm the very upset one. (We tend to take turns...one of us is usually more upset than the other.)

I'm just being honest.

But, the next time we disagree, I'm going to try this. I'm not saying that it will be easy or always work, but I want our relationship to grow and flourish...and I think this is an area where I can greatly improve.

I need to be less defensive with him.

Holding hands would definitely keep me from building a wall...and I know that when Lee and I disagree, he's not trying to hurt me. This can keep my heart tender.

I know that my tone of voice is different when I hold his hand. My body language is different. I can't cross my arms and "protect" myself or close myself off.
Most of our disagreements are because we aren't communicating as clearly as we want to. And the frustration of being misunderstood can turn the heat up quickly in a discussion.

Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

I want to be better at offering a gentle answer, and I know that one way to work on that with my husband is by holding his hand.

A Bon Bon Day

Have you ever had a bon bon day?

My friend Shonda and I talked about these days...where our husbands come home and see the house the way that it is and think to himself, "My wife must have sat on the couch watching tv and eating bon bons all day..."

because the house is in much worse shape than it was when he left in the morning.

Shonda and I both have wonderful husbands, and we know that they probably don't think that because they would never dare say that to us moms who have 2 small children at home.

But it feels that way.

There was no sense of accomplishment. Nothing seemed to get cleaner...only messier...

Brennan is getting more teeth in right now...which means that he is soooo fussy. I literally could not put him down, even to sleep, which was often interrupted by his sweet older sister who was very concerned about his constant crying and fussiness.

Days like these are hard. Thankfully they are not every day of the week, but sometimes it feels like a week in one day.

Being a mom is the hardest, yet most rewarding job I've ever done. It takes a lot to stay at home with the kids and not go crazy. There's definitely not a dull or boring moment.

I'm thankful that my husband appreciates the job that I do, and he doesn't get upset when I do have a bon bon day. It makes the times when he comes home and the house is clean even more special.

It's important to focus on the positive...even on a bon bon day...

He Thinks I'm Worth Fighting For

I have a good husband who fights for me.

He hasn't had to get in a fist fight yet over me...

But he fights for me to be the best that I can be.

He refuses to let me settle for anything mediocre.

I've gone through some hard times emotionally and mentally, and he's always been there beside me. I know that those were some frustrating times for him. I didn't want to come out of the self-pity I was wallowing in. Most of the times that I came out of it was because he drug me out.

Yet he still doesn't tire of fighting for me.

Anytime we talk about future dreams or desires, I often want to sit back and let him do all of the talking. After all, he's much more of a talker than I am.

And I would rather support him in his dreams.

But that's not fair to him.

He needs to be able to support me in mine too.

Sometimes it's hard for me to dream. It's hard to see past the diapers, wipes, cries, and chores that envelope my day to day life.

But, those days are changing. Yesterday with Bella at Mother's Day Out was a glimpse that life isn't going to be this way forever.

So, as dreams come flittering into my heart, Lee is there to catch them and help me run with them. He is there to push me to be better than I am - to go further than my dreams.

He sees me as something more than a wife and a mom. He sees me as his best friend, and he wants the absolute best for me. And he's willing to fight for that so I'm not lost in the background, where sometimes I am more willing to stay than I should be.

He thinks that I'm worth fighting for.

Bella's a Big Girl

Today was Bella's first day at Mother's Day Out. She did great!!! And I did too. :)

She has been really excited about going to "school," and today she finally went. And she liked it.

Her teacher, Mrs. Jenny, was super sweet. And when we walked in the door, all of the kids walked over excited to meet Bella.


I think it will take some getting used to their routine and schedule. She's not used to taking naps until later in the afternoon, and she usually sleeps for a while. So, she was pretty tired when I went to pick her up.

I'm excited that she's going to be learning more than colors, shapes, numbers, and letters. She's going to be learning Bible stories and memory verses from the Bible too.

And, I'm going to get a bit of a break. Brennan took a long nap when we got home from dropping her off. So, I felt like I got so much done!! It was great!

Life is changing very quickly. I am amazed at how fast it seems to have passed by. Bella's growing up...Brennan is too. And we are growing as parents, too.

Life is best experienced when you never stop learning.

Shredding with Jillian vs. Chasing my Kids

I've been getting compliments from ladies lately saying that I'm looking good...I'm losing the baby weight...and since I made such a big deal posting when I was doing my shredding workouts, they ask if that is what's doing it.

I wish I could say it was. I do want to be shredded, and I fully intend to. I even told my dad that I would be able to take him down with one arm tied behind my back. (He used to do this to me and my brother when we were younger...he would even take us down just using one finger...he's a strong man).

But I haven't had much time to workout lately. I've been running after my kids instead! Oh my word...now that Brennan is walking, he's into everything!!!!!!!

When Bella was this age, we lived in the apartment, and she was pretty confined. And she liked (and still does) being in the same room as me.

Brennan doesn't care! He goes everywhere and finds everything he's not supposed to. He's definitely an adventurous boy!!

It's fun watching them grow. And I know that I will have plenty of time to get shredded. Right now, I'm just getting into better shape by chasing my kids around. Sorry, Jillian, I will spend time with you later...I'm enjoying this workout while I can!!

Condemnation

It was my turn today to post for the joli blog...the blog that I'm a part of at Crossroads Church here in Lafayette.

It's about how I struggle with condemnation. How I'm much harder on myself than anyone else is....and it's usually all for nothing. :)

You can read more about it by clicking here www.joliblog.org