Thursday, October 27, 2011

Marriage Maintenance - Fighting Fair

I started reading a new book...Four Days to a Forever Marriage: Choosing Love over Anger

It's in a conversational format, and it's written by both husband and wife - Dr. Gary & Norma Smalley. It's really cool to see both sides to their story. Because just like in my house, men & women view things soooo differently.

One thing that has stuck out to me the most is one of their "fighting rules," which is to "maintain as much tender physical contact as possible. Hold hands."

The last thing I want to do when I'm mad is touch Lee in a tender way...much less hold his hand. Especially if I'm the very upset one. (We tend to take of us is usually more upset than the other.)

I'm just being honest.

But, the next time we disagree, I'm going to try this. I'm not saying that it will be easy or always work, but I want our relationship to grow and flourish...and I think this is an area where I can greatly improve.

I need to be less defensive with him.

Holding hands would definitely keep me from building a wall...and I know that when Lee and I disagree, he's not trying to hurt me. This can keep my heart tender.

I know that my tone of voice is different when I hold his hand. My body language is different. I can't cross my arms and "protect" myself or close myself off.
Most of our disagreements are because we aren't communicating as clearly as we want to. And the frustration of being misunderstood can turn the heat up quickly in a discussion.

Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

I want to be better at offering a gentle answer, and I know that one way to work on that with my husband is by holding his hand.

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