Sunday, October 31, 2010

Restaurants Stress Me Out Right Now

Going to a restaurant is a complicated mess more often than not right now. I feel soooo bad for the waiters, waitresses, and bus boys who have to clean up after us when we leave. It is always a mess. Bella is such an active girl, and sitting still is not one of her favorite things to do. And she just wants to pitch a fit when we don't let her run around to let her inner wild banshee loose. It always seems to be an interesting experience, and every time we go out, we say that it's going to be the last.

It really isn't that bad, though. I know it could be worse. She drops a lot of food, but she's not intentionally throwing it right now. Brennan has been asleep almost every time we go to a restaurant, which makes eating an actual possibility. And Bella usually tells the waiter/waitress what she wants along with using the word "please," which makes that person (and us too) smile. At least she doesn't ask to strip down before she eats like she does at home. That's a good thing. No public indecency yet...I worry about her causing a scene or disturbing other people there, but really, most people look and smile. I haven't noticed anyone being annoyed yet...but I haven't had a chance to spend much time looking.

I have come to the conclusion that staying home with 2 little ones is just much easier, but honestly, we all feel better when we get out of the house for a little while even if it stresses us while we are out. The important thing is that we are together. We're a family. You can get through anything with your family.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Always There

Bella has been doing really good adjusting to Brennan being here. Lately, though, she's had a hard time with a few things. Going to sleep at night is one of them. We used to be able to walk her to her bed, pray with her, put her in her bed and walk out. Now, she cries. And it breaks my heart. She asks for everything she can. Water, toys, and then the heartbreaker - "rocka me mommy chair" Ulgh. It rips my heart out! One night I tried. I rocked her for 20 minutes, and she still didn't fall asleep. She still cried when I put her back in her bed. It's getting better, though.
But, last night, she wanted to jump on our bed, which she loves to do, and after a little bit of jumping, she laid next to me and fell sound asleep. So precious. So priceless. She just wants to be close to me. To feel me near her. There's warmth and comfort there.

I'd let her stay there all night, but she doesn't stay still all night. She moves around, kicks and squirms, and by the time she wakes up in the morning, I'm not ready for the day because I haven't slept much at all! But, in the awake times, she knows that I'm there. Even at night, when she can't see me, I'm still there.

I know that's how it is with God. He's there - whether I feel Him or not, whether I see Him or not - He's always there. It's amazing how much more I have learned (and continue to learn) about God after becoming a mom. I know He cares for me more than I can ever imagine. I know that He loves me even when I do something wrong...even if I break His heart. I know that He is always there.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Patiently Waiting

"Daddy coming home time" is what Bella says as she looks out of our front window. I usually tell her that he's on his way home after he calls to tell me that. Then, we wait patiently by the window until she sees his truck turning in the drive way. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, it is what we do. It really is a precious moment. She's soooo excited about getting to see her daddy. Throughout the day, when she hears a loud truck pass on the road, she runs to the window and says "It's daddy." I then have to tell her that it's not time for daddy to come home yet. She's ok with it. She hasn't pitched a fit over it yet. She continues playing and waiting until the next loud truck passes by. No matter what, though, she's excited when he comes home, and she squeals with delight as he walks by the window where she has been so patiently waiting to see him.

I want her relationship with Jesus to be like that. Not disappointed that He's not here yet, but patiently waiting, looking forward to the moment when she'll get to see His face. I want my relationship with Jesus to be like that, too.

She talks about Jesus a lot for a 2 year old. It's really neat. She's a worshiper at heart...hmmm...wonder where that came from. We never encouraged her to raise her hands during a worship song. One night at a chi alpha service, she did it on her own. She wasn't even 1 yet. Now, she has a mermaid barbie doll toy from McDonald's that is a tub toy, and just the other night I heard her say "Praise Jesus" as she was putting the doll's stiff arms above its head. It's in her. I'm so happy for that. I don't want to force her into a relationship with Jesus...I want her to love Him on her own. But I will have to do my best to introduce her to the One who loves her more than I do. I want to give her as many opportunities to see Him through me...and man, sometimes I fail miserably at that! I want to strive to be more like Him for her and Brennan!

Just like she's at the window patiently waiting to see the one that she loves, I am right there too.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Experience Is My Friend

Nursing didn't go well for me the first time around. Bella and I both had our own issues, so I pumped exclusively for 4 months. It was horrible. I felt so trapped by the pump! I felt like I couldn't leave to go anywhere because I would have to turn right back around to pump again. Add a colicky baby to the mix, and I was just a mess.

Experience is a great friend. It can help you learn if you want to learn from it. I look at things so differently now. I was so determined to nurse Bella. It was one of my greatest disappointments not being able to. I felt like I was less of a woman and a mom, even though I knew I wasn't. I still felt like it. Everything I had read before her birth told me that it was supposed to be natural. Well, it's not! My body naturally produced it, but getting it in her was a new experience for both of us. I finally read one little book (it came with the formula diaper bag they gave me at the hospital) that said that it could take up to 8 weeks for a baby to learn how to latch on correctly. Why hadn't anyone told me that!?!

After 4 months of pumping, we went to formula. Life became so much easier!! Sure we had to mix it and make sure that we had it, but I wasn't trapped at home anymore. She is a happy, healthy girl. She really is hardly ever sick.

Now, Brennan is nursing well. It hurt really bad at first. For a while. I'm glad that I stuck it out, though. Now my concerns are if my milk is ok, if he's getting enough. He eats every 2 hours during the day, no matter how I try to get him to go longer. At least I don't have to pump. And he goes a lot longer between feedings at night.

Before I know it, this nursing stage will be over. He'll be running around with Bella. I want to enjoy this experience.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

You Are Not Alone

Sometimes being a mommy is a very lonely job. The feelings of loneliness occur even when you are in a room full of people. It's an emotion that does not always match circumstances. Joy is also an emotion that does not always match circumstances - you can be having a horrible time in life and still have joy.

The thing about being a mommy is that you are never alone. There are mommies everywhere! Somewhere, there is a woman who is going through the same things that I am going through right now, there is a woman who has been where I am now, and there is a woman who will soon be going through what I am going through right now. Yet each woman's experience is unique.

Hopefully through this blog, I'll be able to share how I feel, what I'm going through...
and it will be an encouragement to someone out there because as moms, we are not alone.

(Guys, you can feel free to read this too! You may find something to encourage the woman in your life.)