Bella has been doing really good adjusting to Brennan being here. Lately, though, she's had a hard time with a few things. Going to sleep at night is one of them. We used to be able to walk her to her bed, pray with her, put her in her bed and walk out. Now, she cries. And it breaks my heart. She asks for everything she can. Water, toys, and then the heartbreaker - "rocka me mommy chair" Ulgh. It rips my heart out! One night I tried. I rocked her for 20 minutes, and she still didn't fall asleep. She still cried when I put her back in her bed. It's getting better, though.
But, last night, she wanted to jump on our bed, which she loves to do, and after a little bit of jumping, she laid next to me and fell sound asleep. So precious. So priceless. She just wants to be close to me. To feel me near her. There's warmth and comfort there.
I'd let her stay there all night, but she doesn't stay still all night. She moves around, kicks and squirms, and by the time she wakes up in the morning, I'm not ready for the day because I haven't slept much at all! But, in the awake times, she knows that I'm there. Even at night, when she can't see me, I'm still there.
I know that's how it is with God. He's there - whether I feel Him or not, whether I see Him or not - He's always there. It's amazing how much more I have learned (and continue to learn) about God after becoming a mom. I know He cares for me more than I can ever imagine. I know that He loves me even when I do something wrong...even if I break His heart. I know that He is always there.
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