Readers = Leaders...Some books that have helped me along the way

I'm an avid reader. I've always loved to read. As a teenager, my cousin Sylvia and our friend Amy and I would pass around books...we would rush each other to finish reading it, especially if it was in a series. And our moms did this as well. Our libraries were huge!

I haven't been reading as much since I had kids...for one thing it's hard to carve in the time...and as much as I loved loved loved staying up late reading...I don't get to sleep as late with the little ones. (Especially right now since I'm having some pregnancy insomnia...ulgh)

But, I'd like to share some books that I have read recently that have helped me - both in my personal life and in my marriage and as a mom.

1) Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
    This book has changed my life. I love the subtitle...Knowing when to say yes and how to say no to take control of your life. I have taken on guilt in the past - unnecessary guilt that I bring on myself - and this book has helped me deal with it and so much more. So much more. I highly recommend this book to read at any point of your life...it brought me freedom that I needed...that I wasn't allowing myself to have. I loved this book! I'm also reading another book Dr. Henry Cloud wrote called Raising Great Kids...and there are other specific areas of Boundaries...including Boundaries with Kids (another future book I'll be reading).




2) Baby Wise by Dr. Gary Ezzo & Robert Bucknam
    This book as well as the next one - PreToddler Wise - really helped me in dealing with our kids. I didn't really follow the schedule/routine with Brennan, but I'm planning on doing it with this next kid. It worked wonders with Bella. Even last night, Bella was tired so she announced, "I'm going to bed..." and walked to her room and got in bed waiting for us to tuck her in and pray with her. She does that regularly for naps, too. I attribute that to these books helping me.





3) A Million Miles in a Thousand Years...by Donald Miller
   He wrote Blue Like Jazz, which was a great book...but this second one is about him turning Blue Like Jazz into a movie...and how he realized he needed to live a life that was worth telling. This book challenged Lee & me so much. A lot of why we moved to Colorado to help start a church was because of this book. We want to live a life that is worth telling...and we want that for our kids too.
One of my favorite missionary families is the Tilleys. Rodney Tilley has some amazing stories to tell...crazy things that don't happen in most peoples' every day lives. It's those kinds of stories and faith that inspire me...and this book helped that inspiration become a challenge that was even more real - and we believe that we can have that for ourselves.


4) Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster
This book is not one that you can just sit down and read cover to cover in a week. There are 12 disciplines that are covered, and you should take at the minimum a week to practice each discipline. I would recommend practicing one for a month. Focusing on one discipline at a time was challenging. The first time we did this was during our Chi Alpha internship. It's something like I've enjoyed repeating. This is also a book that changed our marriage. It helped Lee & I get on the same page...and the chapter on confession brought a whole new level of honesty and openness to our marriage that we had never, ever experienced before.

There are soooo many more books that have challenged me and helped me grow. And the authors of these books are soooo different in their writing styles and techniques, but I've enjoyed reading them - and would consider them to be an "easy" read.

And for those of you who are thinking, I hate reading...It takes me forever to read a book...I have one more suggestion for you...

5) The Princeton Review has a book called Ten Days to Faster Reading. It's a book about improving your reading speed, comprehension, and retention. I used it when I taught an ACT prep class at Pineville High School. I personally increased my reading speed with this book, and I had several students increase theirs as well...even to the point of improving their ACT scores in the reading section. So, this can work for you too! It's worth the investment in the book and the 20 minutes for 10 days that it will take to go through it.





I've heard it said before, "Leaders = Readers & Readers = Leaders." God has given us the opportunity to improve our knowledge with the plethora of books available to us. I want to do my part by reading all that I can to be a better person...and help others grow along the way!

My Role...

My role in life is changing...

It's a good thing...even though I'm not always good with handling change...or really the approach of change - and then I'm ok once the change arrives...if that makes any sense.

I'm about to be a mom to 3. Brennan is about to be 2, and he's definitely a toddler and not a baby anymore. I'm thankful that he still likes to cuddle with me, but when he's playing, he's so funny and silly, and he is just bursting with personality. He's definitely all boy.

Where Brennan is all boy, Bella is all girl. So girly...she loves to dress up and play with dolls...and she is becoming so much more helpful to me. She loves to help me cook and clean...most of the time...and in just one short year, she'll be in school a lot longer than her 2 day a week pre-k. It's flying by so quickly!

I know that this 3rd baby will add a whole new dynamic to our family, and we're really excited about it. Our kids play well together...they are kind and friendly, and they are going to be wonderful with this new baby.

My role in ministry is changing too... 

I'm getting to help Lee first hand on a lot of things. It may not seem like a lot, but I've been able to make him business cards and flyers to put up to find musicians. It's little things that I enjoy doing, and I've been able to do it for him to lighten his load a little. We enjoy working together, and we work well together. It's been fun being able to do this kind of stuff for him and with him.

I'm also getting to work on things for the teachers at the school we will be meeting at. It is a lot of fun for me to get to give back to teachers. It's been 5 years since I've been in the classroom, but I remember what I appreciated...and I'm getting to share that information to be a blessing to our school.

And I'm getting to plan events for the future ladies of Connection Church. This is awesome for me! I've already been researching some things to do in Highlands Ranch, and I can hardly wait for our first outing!!!!!

My role in marriage is changing too...

This is for the better. I feel really good about being involved in the church plant as much as I can...but I am loving taking care of my home...and of my husband. I love having dinner around our table at night...and keeping up with the housework hasn't seemed overwhelming at all.

Honestly, I've pressured myself before to find a way to make extra money. Tutoring, selling things, substituting, teaching...any kind of ideas to bring in an extra income. Lee has told me repeatedly that I don't need to feel that pressure...I just need to focus on taking care of our home and our kids. I think I'm starting to accept that...which is making me a better wife.

I don't think God intended for my life to remain the same. I know that He didn't. And by embracing His challenge of change, I will grow to be a better person...a better wife, mom, and minister. So even in the tough times, I can know that He is still challenging me to change in the role that He has given me.

I Want a Marriage Like That...

I feel so blessed to have a great marriage. Sure, it's not easy...there are some rough moments and days, but really, I believe God has blessed me with a wonderful husband and marriage.

While we were at UL Chi Alpha, Lee & I would often have students tell us how much they admired our marriage...how they hoped that some day they would have a marriage like ours.

These students came from a variety of backgrounds...some from Christian homes, some from broken homes, some from miraculous situations...

And no matter what kind of background they came from, Lee & I still lived an authentic, healthy, attractive lifestyle that these students wanted to have for themselves.

We have been blessed to have parents who love God and love each other deeply...and this has set a priceless foundation for our own marriage.

But also, we've looked to other couples who have marriages like we wanted to have...and not just marriages but families as well...and when those couples are close enough to us...we allow them to speak into our lives.

Chris & Felicity Buckel have been a constant source of encouragement to Lee & me. They have spoken positive words to us about finances, ministry, family, life, and love. I know that every encounter we have with them, we will walk away better people...encouraged people.

Paul & Cyndi Burke have been long- distance mentors to us for many, many years...they have spoken into our lives even though we don't see them on a regular basis. We know that they believe in us...they love us...they support us in what we do...they show us this by encouraging us when we are with them and when we are over a thousand miles away. They are the people whom we can call when we are having a tough time, and they will walk through it with us. And they are awesome at celebrating our victories with us too. Their words and actions bring life to us. Lee & I are better spouses to each other because of our relationship with them.

If you are married or not, you can find marriages that you want to emulate...and write down the things that you admire and want for yourself. Surround yourself with people who will encourage you and build you up...who will speak the truth to you, even when it hurts...who will challenge you to be a better person and a better spouse.

Then others can say about you...I want a marriage (or a life) like that...

Confident - Not Insecure

It's a great feeling when Lee & I are on the same page.

It's hard when we are not on the same page or even in the same book...

Miscommunication is one of the most frustrating parts of our marriage. 

It's not that we are not communicating, we are just not communicating correctly. 

I have found that I get super defensive when we talk about things that I'm insecure about. 

Hyper-defensive. 

And that is a hard habit for me to change. 

I have to almost remove myself from the conversation...

Lee graciously points out, "I'm not attacking you...I'm just saying..."

It's still hard for me. I still get defensive even when I know he's not attacking me. 

And it all boils down to me being insecure. 

And boy am I insecure about certain things...

And I feel like I have to prove to Lee that I'm right...justify my actions or thoughts.

Communication is hard for me. I'd rather write about it or think about it...but to verbally put it into words is not my favorite thing to do.

I know that Lee is for me, not against me. He wants me to win, to succeed in life. And I know that he wants that for our marriage and family too.

I just need to get over myself. To be open and honest with myself and with him. To let down my guard and look at the bigger picture of things instead of looking at my own insecurities.

I want to improve in this area! I don't want to stay the same!! I want to change, to be a better wife and communicator with the man who loves me so deeply. I want to be able to walk through my insecurities with him - knowing that he cares for me...and he loves me the way that I am...and he sees the woman I am beyond my insecurities. And that is the woman he wants me to be - confident and not insecure.

I am so blessed to have a husband who pushes me beyond what I am to what God has created me to be. I am empowered to be a confident woman because of the confident man walking along side me with his hand on the small of my back.