Irony...thanks to Alanis Morissette's song Isn't It Ironic when I was in high school...I can easily remember what this term means...and even used to teach my students.
My faith has been high lately...we've been more financially blessed lately...and then we get hit with a whammy...maybe even a double whammy.
We've decided to have Bella's tonsils taken out. She's miserable, and she's not seeming to get better. She'll have good days, but then most days lately, she just wants to lay around and eat salty popcorn. And although that is a wonderful way to spend 1 day, several days of that for my normally bouncing-off-the-wall little girl is just not normal.
So, in making the appointment, the nice receptionist who does this all of the time, says that she'll call our insurance for us to find out what we'll have to pay.
I'm thankful that we have insurance, but we do not have the best insurance plan in the world. We are self-employed ministers, so we have our own plan, not a group plan. Again...there are a few benefits, but it's not the best.
So, we're going to have to pay a chunk of change to have this procedure done because we haven't met our deductible.
And we have most of the money...it is just going to take away from what we have in our savings account.
I'm not writing this for my own pity-party. I was actually down-hearted when I heard the amounts we would have to pay for the doctor and hospital. I know that God is going to provide, and it's another time for Him to show His faithfulness to us.
So, the irony is that I wrote about how I was full of faith...how God provides...and now I'm being tested in this area all over again. And honestly, it is not about knowing that God will provide. It's about my attitude...and how I need to have joy in seeing Him provide. I should not be glum about the finances or the state of my bank account. I should be happy to know that this is another area where God will show Himself faithful to us yet once again.
So, it's not my faith this time, it's my attitude. I need to be grateful for God's provision no matter what my circumstances are. I believe God allows us to go through different things to change us. To make us more like Him. I will be of no benefit to the Kingdom of God if I stay the same or go back to the woman I was yesterday.
And there is no need to hold on to what He's given us. It is His in the first place. I need to find security in Him and not my bank account.