I keep telling Lee that this time of sickness is going to go away...I'll be over it soon. I mean, I'm almost 13 weeks along in this pregnancy! But it's not over for me yet.
Being pregnant is a scary yet exciting adventure - and not just for me, but for Lee & the kids too.
I feel like an awful mom when all I want to do is lay on the couch because if I move too much I may vomit.
And I feel like an awful wife when Lee comes home to a messy house...and a less than ideal dinner...and then we bathe kids and get them ready for bed...and I fall asleep before all of them!!
But, this is a season. Soon I will be feeling better, have more energy, eat everything in sight...all the good things about being pregnant.
It's a hard season because I don't look very pregnant on the outside, but I feel very pregnant on the inside.
Lee & I were watching TV last night - a night that I didn't fall asleep with the kids...and there was a sweet little baby laying in a crib...and he said, "Awww...we are going to have another one like that..."
That's exciting. And that's what this whole process is all about.
I still wonder why God chose us to be parents yet again. There are so many married couples that I know who are desperately wanting...desiring...begging God for children...and yet He chose me again.
It's another mystery that I don't understand...and one that I don't want to take for granted.
And it gives me more fervor to pray for my friends who long to have children of their own.
I've seen miracles happen. Women who were told they would never have children become pregnant...
And one of the crazy things is...my dad has faith to pray for these women. Some he prayed for years for...and they've had children...and some haven't.
It's not up to my dad to decide who has a baby or not...it's up to God.
And it's not my place to question Him. How can the clay ask the Potter, "What are you doing to me?"
I am in His hands...longing to be shaped and molded into the woman He wants me to be. And He has the right to do whatever that takes to get me to be that woman.
I can't ask for anything more.