Hurry Up and Wait

It's a waiting game now.

I don't want to be induced...at all. I really want to go completely natural with this baby - just like I did for the last 2.

For the last 2 babies...I woke up around 7 am with a contraction. I knew it was a contraction, and I knew I was in labor.

So, every night I go to bed thinking, "Is tomorrow going to be the day?"

I know that the contractions are coming soon, but it's awful not knowing when!

We are pretty much ready to bring a new baby home. The clothes are washed, the sleep & play rocker is put together and ready (and Bella & Brennan have practiced with a baby doll in it), we have bottles and nuks and diapers...just enough to get us started.

I've been told that I'm huge...and then other moms who have had babies have said that I look great...

I feel good about how I look. I mean, my belly is protruding quite a bit. But I'm at the end. Soon, I'll be at least 10 pounds lighter if not more. That's a good feeling. I mean, I don't like that my belly will still be big...and it will become like jelly instead of being firm like it is now...but I'm looking forward to moving with a little more ease than I am right now!! This is just difficult!!!

It will be interesting to have a new baby at home. Brennan and Bella will be quite excited to hold, kiss, squeeze...my role will probably be more of a bouncer to keep them from crowding in too much :)

I'll keep everyone posted on how this is all going. According to my doctors, they are telling me that I'm a pro at this and I shouldn't have any worries. I hope that they are right. I'm ready for a quick, easy labor and delivery...I'm sure the delivery part will fall under that category...so I'm just praying that the labor will be quicker.

You can be sure that I'll have it on Twitter and Facebook when I start having contractions...and definitely will put when we are on the way to the hospital. Plus, there will be pictures once Baby Blakney #3 has entered the world.

It's just for now, we have to hurry up and wait...

Trigger Points and Trip Wires

Several years ago, Lee & I did an Campus Missionary in Training (CMIT) internship for Chi Alpha at the University of Louisiana Lafayette.

We learned a lot that year...a whole lot...

One of the things that I remember was a special session that Sean Smith did just for the 4 of us interns.

He talked about Trigger Points and Trip Wires...


Trip Wires 

These are the things that trip you up. The things that bring you down. The attacks that the enemy of your soul uses to get to you...



This can be temptations or things that happen regularly that you need to be aware of. 

For instance, Lee often recognizes that when he gets really tired, he starts getting negative. He'll say, "I just need to shut up and go to bed." I think that takes a lot for him to recognize that. He could keep talking to me...even if it is negative about whatever is going on in our life...and it really wouldn't hurt anything - or so I think. But instead of allowing the poison to spread...he just stops and gets ready for bed...or a nap...

Dr. David Remedios, a wonderful man of God who is a nationally known surgeon, pastor/evangelist, and a husband and father of 5, taught us about "HALT" - you should always halt (stop) when you are:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Lee and I have lived by this...it may take us a little time to recognize that we need to stop and meet one of these needs because it is influencing our attitude and behavior or thoughts...

Another trip wire for me is pride. I can get caught up on what I am doing...how good I am feeling about what I'm doing...instead of being humble...instead of bringing glory to God. Or I have a sense a false humility...which is awful. 

Just being transparent here. 

There are more trip wires in my life. And some of them I am not aware of until after I've tripped and fallen into the trap. It's important to recognize this...and journaling has really helped. As I re-read and reflect, I can see something that I may not be able to see in the moment. That's why it is important for me to be honest and consistent in my journaling. 

Trigger Points

These are the things that bring you up....that lift you up when you are down. 

This can be songs, Scripture verses, people, places, prayer times, journaling...

It's important to also be aware of these things in your life. Even when you don't feel like getting out of the pit that you are in, it is vital that you get back up!!! These are the things you need to make that happen. 

There are people in my life who I know I can call, text, Facebook, email...whatever...to bring encouragement into my life. It's too easy now with technology for me to try to stay alone and wallow in my sorrows. And most of these people are not around me every day...so I have to reach out to them...and be honest about where I'm at and what I need. And they don't mind helping me!!!

I also have a worship playlist...and an up-beat dance playlist on my computer that I can listen to...and it really does lift my spirits!! 

Trust me, there are times when I don't want to listen...it seems more fun in my pity party. But Jesus didn't die for my sins for me to have a pity party...

John 10:10 (NIV)

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

I don't want my life to be destroyed...I want to live it to the full!!!

It's important that if you do get tripped...get up!! Be more cautious about what is causing you to trip...take note of the people you are around, the things that you are listening to and watching... and be ready to have the things in your life to lift you up.

I had baby blues really bad after Bella. I think I had post-partumn depression, but I just didn't get treated for it. I was a mess, and Lee didn't know what to do with me. It was so rough. So when I was at the end of my pregnancy with Brennan, I prepared myself as much as I could. I got new makeup...new haircut...and I had specifically saved money for things that I knew would make me feel better. Honestly, I'm doing the same thing for this pregnancy as well. I'm preparing myself. I have a series of things that I know will make me feel better. I have a ton of books (most for free) on my Kindle that I'll be able to read during feedings and times when I may be at home by myself. I invested my birthday money in skin care that I know will adjust with my changing hormones. I want to be prepared to keep myself lifted!!!!

We all go through seasons...and some seasons are more difficult than others. But there is no way that you can "stay up" all the time...but when you know that you are down...it is your responsibility to get yourself "up" - NOT someone else's!! So do your best to know what trips you and knocks you down and then what (and who) can help lift you back up again!!  

This Is Who I Am

I can get so easily overwhelmed with my blog.

I want it to be something that I enjoy...an outlet to express what I'm passionate about...what I'm interested in...

But I know that there is a lot of potential in blogs.

For instance, I could make money off of my blog. And there are so many ways to do it!

Google Ads (which I have on the side but am not really making anything from yet)...
Sponsoring posts (which I haven't really done yet)...
Letting people advertise on my blog (which hasn't happened yet either)...

There are so many more ways to go about it too! And I would get paid to do something that I love...writing...expressing myself...and staying at home with my kids.

I know that there are a lot of professional bloggers out there. People who are making a lot of money - huge incomes - through this field of blogging.

And I'm not there yet. At all...

And there is so much that I don't understand about graphic design and layout...and I get sooooo frustrated with...

And I don't know if it's worth it to try to learn...to try to understand. I mean I know it is...I just know that it will take me more time than a lot of other things that come so easily to me...and I don't exactly have a lot of free time with 2 little ones and one coming any time now.

I have made the decision that I don't want to change my blog just to make money. I don't want to start talking about fashion and style...that's just not me. I mean, if I come up with a cute outfit and want to share, fine...but I'm not going to go out of my way to talk about it. And I am NOT a crafts kind of person...so I won't even pretend to go there...

My blog is personal...it's about me...my life...my relationship with Christ...my relationship with my husband...how I feel about being a wife, a mom, a daughter of God.

This is who I am. If I happen to make money off of this blog, great. If I don't, I will still keep writing. It's a way for me to share my life...what God is doing in me and through me...with hopes of inspiring someone else in their journey of life...

God's Creative Provision

God is providing for us financially in such unique ways!!!

Lee never did get the job with Apple. They said that they like to have people "on the bench" waiting and ready for when they need them. That's great - but it doesn't help us now!

So, after filling out a ton of applications and even doing some more interviews, he has a job as a pharmaceutical rep for a new company.

He's considered an independent contractor...so he's not going to get paid until doctors write prescriptions for this new medicine. And it's not the easiest thing to convince a doctor to use a new medicine...or to get a doctor to spend 5 minutes with you other than when you are sick and paying them for the appointment!

So, he's doing a lot of work up front with no pay in sight just yet...that can be quite challenging. Especially with the pressure of having another baby any day now, taking care of our other kids and his pregnant wife, and the responsibilities of the church...There's just a lot going on.

But, even though we are waiting to see doctors write prescriptions...God is still providing miraculously!!

Just yesterday, we got some checks in the mail. We are still supported by family, friends, and churches as we make this transition from Chi Alpha missionaries to staff members at a brand new church that cannot support us...And our support team people have blessed us tremendously!!!

But we also got a check in the mail from a home-based business that I started several years ago...Arbonne...a health & wellness company, which I have kept up with to receive the products and order whenever I need to for me or friends and family...anyways, I got a check from them from orders that have been made! Just enough to treat myself to something nice before (or after) the baby!!! :)

Lee & I have lived on 1 salary since we've been married. The past 5 years as Chi Alpha missionaries have taught us to live on faith for our finances...and amazingly, this new season in life is requiring even more faith for our finances!!

And we know the importance of giving back to God through our tithe (10% of our income) plus offerings.
Malachi 3:10 (NLT)

Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do,” says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies, “I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!

We have both been feeling this kind of blessing...as well as an irrational peace. Completely unexplainable. And we know that comes from God.

I believe whether we have a salaried job or we are self-employed...all of our income is from God. He is our Provider. And He is getting so creative in how He is providing for the Blakney family!

Anticipating Labor & Delivery

I keep wondering when I'm going to wake up to contractions.

The last 2 babies happened almost the same way. I woke up at 7 am after a major event with contractions that started in my back. I knew I was in labor. The contractions happened almost every hour and a half and just kept getting closer and closer throughout the day.

With Bella it all started after Freshmen Jumpstart at UL Chi Alpha. Michele (who was helping with it because she just knew I was going to have the baby early) had triple booked herself, and she told me I couldn't go into labor until after that last Freshmen Jumpstart...and crazy enough, I went home Wednesday night after finishing it and swiping athletes in at Athletic Bible Study. I woke up the next morning in labor and had Bella about 24 hours later. Not too many pushes - about 10 minutes worth - and she was out... I did have 12 stitches with her, but my recovery was super fast.

That was a whole crazy experience in and of itself. We were moving from a 1 bedroom apt to a 2 bedroom apartment. I was literally having contractions as I vacuumed and cleaned our old apartment. Lee was moving all kinds of stuff across the parking lot...It was just insane!

Then, 2 years later, Brennan came after one of the craziest weeks of the semester at UL Chi Alpha...Welcome Week. I started having a few contractions on Friday night at our first Chi Alpha International. And I woke up the next morning in full-on labor and had Brennan about 24 hours later. For him...I knew more of what to expect. When I felt the pressure to push - which is the most unmistakable feeling in the world - I told the doctor, who had just walked into the room. She said, "OK, push when you are ready." So I did. She and Lee both said, "I see the head..." that was enough motivation for me...and 2 more pushes and he was out - with no tear this time!! And he was huge - a whole pound plus bigger than Bella! Again, my recovery was super fast! The doctor told me that was a textbook delivery - 3 pushes in 3 minutes!

Now, I keep wondering if it's all going to happen like that. I kinda expected to wake up on Monday morning with contractions...but it didn't happen.

I definitely feel more aches and pains at the end of this pregnancy than I did with the last 2. I didn't really notice the Braxton Hicks contractions before, but I'm feeling them this time!!! They are still pretty random, but they are getting longer and stronger!! I just don't want to go to the hospital for false labor!!

I am not at all looking forward to the contractions of labor. The delivery almost doesn't worry me as much as all the pain leading up to it. I know that it is temporary, and it's totally worth it...but I'm still not looking forward to the pain.

I know I will do everything in my power to not get an epidural. I have had 2 friends who have had serious nerve damage done due to epidurals...I don't want that to happen to me.

My friend Ali told me that once you make it to 7 cm dilated...it's over and any medicine taken at that point will probably take an effect after the baby is already delivered! Well, it does take me a long time to seem to get from 1 cm to 4 cm...but once I get to 4 cm, it's downhill fast for me! So, I'm going to go in with that mentality again. I appreciate the speedy recovery of a natural delivery...and now I have stairs to go up and down...so I need to feel the best that I possibly can when I get home with a new little one!!

There are a few big events this week: our first Night of Worship for Connection Church...and then our Sunday service...so if this baby can wait until next Monday...she'll be following in the footprints of her older siblings...

But if she doesn't wait...we are prepared...and it will show us a little bit of who she is...and who she's going to be :)

37 Weeks & Counting

Currently my stomach is quite lopsided. I just made Lee get up from his chair to see from the top how crazy this looks. The right side of my huge belly is sitting high while the left side looks like it could be empty.

I'm happy that this baby is moving...

I thought I was going to have to call my doctors' office on Wednesday because I hardly felt the baby move all day. I'm supposed to do "kick counts" 3 times a day...and the baby is supposed to kick like 10 times every few hours. And normally, I don't have to count more for more than 10 minutes...sometimes 5...sometimes 2. But Wednesday was different. I hardly felt her move at all...even at the usual 5:30 am Zumba session that happens in my uterus.

I'm not going to lie. This pregnancy has had me scared more than the last 2. Not just my own miscarriage, but knowing that women have lost babies at 37 weeks...up to even 39 weeks...right at their due dates.

And I can't help but wonder if that would be me too...

We've prayed for a happy, healthy baby and pregnancy...we've been believing for it. And I do feel like God has so much to show me through this surprise baby.

But I still do wonder...and try not to worry. Days like Wednesday don't seem to help those feelings.

Through it all, I am still trusting God. I am believing that I will naturally go into labor and deliver a perfectly healthy baby. And we'll come home and be a family of 5...2 parents raising 3 world changers.

This weekend makes 37 weeks. That means I have 3 more weeks to go. Bella was 10 days early...Brennan was 1 day early...we'll see what this kid does. I'm now considered full-term...so it could be any day now! That's crazy!!!

The baby has made up for that slow-moving Wednesday. She's alive and active....making my belly jump. Lee & I went on a date on Tuesday night...and we had Five Guys burgers and fries...and maybe she was in a carb coma. Yes, I said "she..." Even though I'm uncertain...I can't keep referring to this baby as an "it."

More than ever before, I realize how much a person's life is a miracle. No matter what stage or age, a human being that is alive and breathing is a miraculous thing. It's something that I don't ever want to take for granted.  This pregnancy has definitely made this more of a realization in my own life.

Marriage Maintenance - A Foundation of Trust

I trust Lee with all of my heart. I really do. And I know that he trusts me too.

I know that we don't have a perfect marriage...and we've both done things that have disappointed the other.

But we still trust each other.

I trust that he has my best interest in mind.

I trust that he's going to take care of our family.

I trust that he's not going to cheat on me.

Trust is a precious, valuable, personal possession.

Once my trust is broken, (this is for me on a personal level), it takes a lot for someone to gain that trust back.

I have to choose to trust again.

And I have. I have given second chances...mostly because I've been given second chances.

In some marriages, there are some hurts that run deep, and trust is badly broken.

But I believe that God desires for us to restore that trust. It doesn't happen overnight, but with His help, trust can be rebuilt.

Lee and I have a marriage that is built on a foundation of trust. There are times when I don't want to be completely honest with him...or I don't want to ask the hard questions...or I don't want him to ask me the hard questions...

But we are honest with each other. We are able to tell each other how we feel...even though we know that the other may not want to hear what has to be said because it may hurt our feelings. But it doesn't do any good to hold those feelings in...

And it certainly isn't good for one of us to tell someone else (especially someone of the opposite sex) how we are feeling and not each other.

I don't ever want to tell someone something that I wouldn't tell Lee. And I trust that he feels the same way about me. If I can't tell him, then no one should know about it...I can journal it or take it to my grave.

There are attacks on our marriage. I am aware of this. But because our foundation is built on Christ and trust in each other...that's a Rock that cannot be shaken.


If there is a foundation problem in a house, the house can crumble...it's not safe...it's a danger zone.

I want our marriage to be a safe place for each other and our family...it's the greatest gift we can give to each other and our kids...