Post-Miscarriage Love & Support

I am overwhelmed by all of the comments, messages, and hugs Lee & I have received after sharing the blog about our miscarriage.

It feels so wonderful to be loved and supported.

It is awesome that we don't have to go through life alone.

Lee & I didn't really tell a lot of people what was going on. It was like, what do we say??

I hadn't fully miscarried the baby, but there was definitely no heartbeat, no live baby...and it wasn't going to end pretty. But what do we say??

We did tell a few friends because we were supposed to do things with them and had to cancel. And those friends constantly checked up on us throughout the long week that we had...and even after it was all over with.

Lee told me I needed to make sure that I was being honest with people when they asked me how I was doing. I didn't need to just say that I was fine, which is the easy, default thing to say. I needed to share the truth.

And even though I was feeling great physically, on the Friday after the D&C, I began to experience some baby blues. I knew my hormones were changing, and I knew that it was ok to cry. And thankfully I didn't cry about everything!

I just felt a little blah. But, thankfully, Lee & I were both aware of how I was feeling, and he didn't let me get too down or gloomy. He's good like that.

I was able to tell these ladies if I was up or down, whatever it was at the moment when they happened to text me. :) And I knew that they were ok with whatever I told them, and I knew that they would be praying for me. 

And God's perfect timing allowed me to be with my parents and the rest of my family for the weekend, which was wonderful as well.

I really wasn't sure if I wanted to share what we were going through. It all happened so very fast...

But, I have gained strength and encouragement from other women who have gone through this experience before. And we are not meant to go through life alone.

The more we open up and are transparent to those around us, the more they can see what God is doing in us and through us.

And I know that He's still doing a lot in and through me.

Thank you again for all of the love and support you've shown me and my family!! We consider ourselves truly blessed!!

My Miscarriage...

Everything happened so fast.

One week I felt pregnant, the next week I didn't.

Lee kept telling me that I was showing the signs of pregnancy...and I kept denying it. I didn't feel pregnant...until I realized I wanted to drink chocolate milk 3 times a day, and I seemed extra exhausted.

So, Lee bought a test to prove me wrong...and I took the test to prove him wrong. Well, he was right and I was wrong. The test didn't even take 30 seconds to say that I was pregnant. It actually showed positive for pregnancy before it even showed that the test was working accurately.

Lance, who works with Lee at Chi Alpha, was at our house when this all took place. He saw first hand the shock that we were feeling. There were going to be 3 kids under the age of 4 at our house within a year. It was crazy to think that way! But it was exciting! Our kids play well together...they love each other so much. It would be fun to have 3.

We didn't tell very many people. I know that there is a high risk for any pregnancy ending in a miscarriage before the 13 week mark. So, Lee & I knew we would wait until the first trimester would be over before we announced it. (Actually, we were planning on announcing it at our Chi Alpha Christmas Soiree this Tuesday night.)

We did tell our parents, siblings, a few other family members, and the staff at Chi Alpha. It was a new life that was worth being excited about!

Lee & I both had this slight nudging feeling that we were going to lose the baby. We didn't talk about it often, but we would mention it and move on. There was nothing we could do about it either way...except pray. And we've been praying for 8 years that God would give us happy, healthy babies who love Him and serve Him. And He has already answered that prayer twice.

A week after I took the pregnancy test, Lee & I were watching late night tv, and suddenly my back started hurting really bad. Lee googled it and said that back pain wasn't normal and it was a sign of miscarriage. I also started spotting, which is another sign of miscarriage.

I called the doctor the next morning, and they wanted to see me. They did an ultrasound and bloodwork. According to my last cycle, I should have been 8 weeks pregnant, and there should have been a detectable heartbeat, but there wasn't. Dr. Hardey didn't want to give up completely. So, he asked me to come back a week later.

It was a rough week. I kept waiting to just start bleeding. All the time. I didn't want to leave my house because I didn't want to be humiliated in public. I didn't know if I would hemorrhage...if I would need to go to the ER. It was a looooonnnggg week.

I had some more spotting, and expected the worse to happen. But it didn't. It was an emotional roller coaster. I had a friend call to ask a question, and I just started crying as I explained what was going on. Lee & I then spent some time hugging as we cried together. It was a loss for us and our family. It was just a deeply emotional time for us.

Yet this whole time, we were trusting God. He knows what our family needs, what our family can handle...I believe God created a woman's body to work a certain way, and a miscarriage is the body's natural way of taking care of something that is not healthy...there was something wrong this time with this baby.

At the next doctor's appointment, Lee & I went in for another ultrasound. There was no changes, no heartbeat. We had a few options...to let it happen naturally, to take medicine to help it happen naturally, or to have a surgical procedure called a D & C to remove the tissue that was there.

Lee & I talked about it, and scheduled a D & C for the next morning. We did the paperwork, got the bloodwork and everything else done that needed to be done before hand all taken care of. And we were at the hospital at 5:30 am the next morning. (A huge thank you to Hope for staying with our kids at home!!)

I had a friend call me the night before the procedure...after she had brought us dinner, called throughout the week to check on us...and she told me that she had this procedure done as well - except hers was in an emergency setting. And when she went home, she took a nap, and when she woke up she felt normal.

I was ready to feel normal.

I had the procedure done. It took 5 minutes. After waking up from the anesthesia and spending a little bit in recovery, I was back in the room with Lee in no time. I fell asleep for about an hour there, and when I woke up, I felt great. Seriously. I was in shock at how well I felt.

We came home, ate some breakfast with Hope, and then Lee went out to run some errands while I packed up some clothes to go to my parents.

We left that afternoon and had the pre-Thanksgiving dinner with my family that night, and I was able to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family without any worries or any pain. 

God is so faithful to us. He takes such good care of us.

All of this happened so fast in our lives, and I'm not sure why it all happened. Yet I still trust God. Now more than ever I know how precious the lives are of the children that we have. How precious the lives of the students we minister to...the ones who come from good, bad, broken and/or dysfunctional families...that they are here for a reason. A divine purpose. It wasn't an accident that they were born.

We are all fearfully and wonderfully made...Psalm 139:14

Thanksgiving Culmination

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

Sure, Christmas is awesome with the message of Jesus's birth...and the immense decorations and gifts...

But, for the Latham family...Thanksgiving is the one time of year when everyone from my dad's family comes in. It's definitely a full house.

There's nothing like a Latham Thanksgiving...it could easily be on tv. It is that entertaining. Some of the greatest laughs have come from things that have happened on Thanksgivings past.  

I'm thrilled that my kids get to experience this. The joy of sharing an epic meal, time outside playing with a ton of cousins, the Macy's parade and then the dog show before it gets noticed and turned to football games...

It is a precious time for me. It is something that I look forward to all year. It's a part of my legacy.

My parents are generous people. They continually open up there home to people. The food seems boundless, and you cannot come to my parents house without eating something. Everyone has to eat, and you usually don't leave without leftovers either.

This year, Lee & I got to expand the Thanksgiving celebration. We hosted a UL Chi Alpha staff Thanksgiving at our house. We had a great time...so much so that the interns and a few staff had to leave for meetings, and they came back around 9:30 pm to eat more and bring leftovers home!

I love that there is a time to celebrate gratitude. To express thankfulness by sharing with others. To know that God has provided all that we have (and so much more), and He's shown His faithfulness to us time and time again.

It really is my favorite time of year...and it seems like Thanksgiving is just the culmination of a year of thankfulness and gratitude for all that God has done for us, and it builds anticipation for all He's going to do for us in the next year.

The Worst Sound...A Baby's Grumbling Tummy

Last week was rough!!

Brennan started getting really fussy and running a fever late Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. I thought it was just teething...I mean, he had 4 teeth coming in at the same time. But the fussiness just wouldn't stop. He wasn't sleeping at night, which meant that Lee & I weren't sleeping at night.

Thursday night, I started noticing little blisters around the corners of his mouth...and I attributed it to the enormous amount of drool that was coming from the boy...after all, he was teething...or so I thought.

Friday morning, I took him to the doctor. The last time he teethed this bad, he had an ear infection to go along with it...and I didn't want to go into the weekend with a sick baby.

So, Lee brought Bella to the cafe with him while Brennan and I went to the doctor.

He just hadn't been his usual self...and it was so sad. He hadn't been eating or drinking anything...and every time he tried, he would just scream in pain. It broke my heart.

While we were in the room, waiting for the doctor, I heard his stomach growl. It was the first time I'd ever heard it...and it broke my heart even more.

I almost started crying. I thought of mothers around the world who are holding a baby whose stomach is growling, and there is no food for them to feed them. It must be the most awful feeling in the world. I cannot even imagine not having anything for my baby to eat. And I don't know about where you are, but our food banks in Lafayette have been dealing with shortages.

I cannot imagine not being able to feed my hungry babies...


"give us this day our daily bread..." Matthew 6:11


"I have never seen the righteous forsaken, or their children begging for bread..." Psalm 37:25

Brennan has the hand/foot/mouth virus. It's called a disease, but that sounds so harsh, and the doctor told me that it was a virus. He said he diagnosed dozens of patients with that just this week.

He also told me that it would get worse before it got better, and he prescribed this mixture of benadryl and some kind of novicain kind of medicine to numb his mouth. And the biggest fear was that he wouldn't eat and would get dehydrated and have to go into the hospital (which one little girl who had this virus had just been discharged that morning).

The medicine and the healing of power of Jesus worked. He slept a lot since his big sister wasn't home to wake him up...and I got to catch up on a little sleep too. And he has been feeling so much better...his little blisters got worse all over his body, but he barely scratched them. He started eating like a horse.

And he's very happy once again. He's such a funny little boy.

Miraculously, Bella hasn't gotten the virus. I'm praying that she won't.

Now that he's better, I'm going to start working on getting food for a food bank here in town.  I can help one mom not hear her baby's tummy grumble from lack of food in the house...and I don't want to stop there.

I'm so thankful that the Lord provides for my family. Since we are missionaries, our salary does not come in a normal way...but that's ok. We have never gone without. It may have been tight some months, but we have always had (and will always have) food, clothes and shelter.

I've been blessed...and I want to make sure that I get to share that blessing with others...

Bella's Prayers

Every night we have family prayer time before Bella goes to bed.

Yes, I try to show her as much as we can about praying without ceasing...but at night, we have a specific prayer routine that we do.

We thank God for Bella & Brennan, and for being faithful to us by providing and meeting our needs, and then we present our requests before God.

We've been doing this for a while, and we even pray for the same things every night. So much so that she can finish our sentences for us.

And it's been really neat to see God answer those prayers.

For a long time, we prayed for our friends the Buckels to get a house. Their living situation was not ideal, and Chris told us once that his little girl asked him when was Jesus going to build their house. We knew that God was doing something, but when you hear that, it just breaks your heart for them.

Well, we didn't know that God's answer to Bella's prayer for them a house would be answered by giving them one they would have to move from Thibodaux, Louisiana to Hattiesburg, Mississippi to get!

But God doesn't always answer our prayers like we think that He should.

I saw this post on twitter, and it's been stuck with me ever since:

"If you're making your life choices based on money opportunities, your not even giving God a chance to blow your mind." Gil Gatch

I have been trying to make some decisions based on my monetary needs instead of waiting for God to provide for my needs. I was trying to take away the opportunity for Him to blow my mind.

It's the whole thing of Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and don't lean in your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." (emphasis on ALL is my own...)

I have been doing what Lee would call "scheming..." I've been trying to find a way to stay at home with my babies and still work a little to make some extra money. And I haven't felt peace about any of the options or opportunities I've come up with. So I have waited, and I'm trusting in Him...

And He's continually providing. And it's not like the way I thought He would. But I'm ok with that.

So, God is answering our needs for our provision and the provision of our friends...for blessings for family and friends and our missionaries...

And I cannot explain to you how excited I get when another one of her prayers gets answered with a "yes" right before our eyes. I know that she fully doesn't understand yet, but I know that the building blocks and foundation of her faith are being poured right now.

And I want her to have a firm, secure foundation in her faith in God.

I'm so thankful that God hears our prayers...even my little Bella's...

Boys Will Be Boys

I've been given (or bought for myself) several marriage books over the years.

It's true that it takes a lot of work to make a marriage work, and there are a few books that have really helped me understand how to make our marriage better.

One of the books was a little, tiny thing...something about "How to be the wife your husband has always desired..." I can't remember the title, and due to the fire, I don't think I have it anymore - and to be fair, Lee had the other one, "How to be the husband your wife has always desired..."

Anyways, the thing that stuck out to me the most about this book was this piece of advice:
"Let boys be boys and play with their toys."

The author talked about how much better of a husband her man was after he was able to go out and ride 4wheelers with his friends. And she stressed about letting him go BEFORE she asked him to finish the honey-do list...And that he often came home ready to tackle her list without her ever mentioning it to him.

This has been true in our relationship.

It's so important for Lee to spend time with guys and me to spend time with girls. Not all of our time has to be spent with each other. And not all of our time has to be spent at home.

Lee pays more attention to me after he's been hanging out with guys. He's more affectionate towards me and the kids. He's also more ready to wrestle and tickle...forcing me to be more playful than I normally am.  And he's more than happy to stay with the kids and let me get out for a while.

Our marriage is a partnership. We are two individuals who are joined together as one...but we don't lose our own identities...and we don't live separate lives either. It's a delicate balance.  And we have to work hard to make sure that it doesn't get out of balance.

I know that Lee loves me just as much if not more after he's had a time of being a boy. I can't explain it. I'm sure there is some physiological explanation that I'm totally unaware of. But I will settle for the proof in the tender hug and kiss I get from him when he gets home after he has been out with the guys.

There's nothing wrong with a boy being a boy.

Marriage Maintenance - Fighting Fair

I started reading a new book...Four Days to a Forever Marriage: Choosing Love over Anger

It's in a conversational format, and it's written by both husband and wife - Dr. Gary & Norma Smalley. It's really cool to see both sides to their story. Because just like in my house, men & women view things soooo differently.

One thing that has stuck out to me the most is one of their "fighting rules," which is to "maintain as much tender physical contact as possible. Hold hands."

The last thing I want to do when I'm mad is touch Lee in a tender way...much less hold his hand. Especially if I'm the very upset one. (We tend to take turns...one of us is usually more upset than the other.)

I'm just being honest.

But, the next time we disagree, I'm going to try this. I'm not saying that it will be easy or always work, but I want our relationship to grow and flourish...and I think this is an area where I can greatly improve.

I need to be less defensive with him.

Holding hands would definitely keep me from building a wall...and I know that when Lee and I disagree, he's not trying to hurt me. This can keep my heart tender.

I know that my tone of voice is different when I hold his hand. My body language is different. I can't cross my arms and "protect" myself or close myself off.
Most of our disagreements are because we aren't communicating as clearly as we want to. And the frustration of being misunderstood can turn the heat up quickly in a discussion.

Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

I want to be better at offering a gentle answer, and I know that one way to work on that with my husband is by holding his hand.