How to Fight Doubt

At one point or another in life, we've all experienced doubt. 

It amazing how it seems to just creep in slowly at times, and other times it comes quickly, crashing full-force like a wave over me!!

Journaling is a safe place to combat those doubts. 

1. Write down what it is that you want to do (the dream, vision, plans that are in your heart that you know you are supposed to do!)

2. Write down your doubts. Be real. Be honest.
 *Don't think that a doubt is "too silly" or "too unrealistic." Write it down. If it is a doubt, then it can hold you back. 

3. Write a Scripture that can cancel that doubt out.
*When you find yourself thinking of the doubt, think of the Scripture verse instead!!

Doing this can increase your faith. You are addressing your doubts head-on and not ignoring them. 

Also, if you have previously journaled about your dream, plan, vision, this is a great time to re-read those entries and reflect on them!! That will build your faith as well!

You will be one step closer to making your dreams a reality!!!

What tips do you have to fight doubt? 

Marriage Maintenance:: So When You Have a Bad Day

It is unrealistic to think that every day of marriage will be blissful...I mean, every day as a human isn't blissful...and marriage is 2 humans sharing life together...and when 1 is having a bad day, it usually means the other is as well.

And often, because of the nature of life...we take our bad days out on those closest to us...

Others may not have a clue that you are having a bad day...but your spouse should.

So, what do you do if you are the one having the bad day?

1. Don't say things that you'll regret.
It's easier said than done. When I'm having a bad day, my words can cut Lee like a knife. I'm usually short-tempered...I usually say things that I don't mean...or in a way that I don't mean them... And normally my goal is not to intentionally hurt Lee, but that's usually what happens because I'm being super selfish and a jerk. And although it kills Lee when I'm quiet...it's in these moments that it's better if I keep my comments to myself.

2. Don't bring up past irritations.
1 Peter 4:8 says, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." I know that I'm not perfect and I do things that even tick him off. And then there are things that he does that irritate me...and honestly, it's super easy to focus on those things when I'm in a selfish, negative mindset. But it's super important for me not to bring those up. Live in the moment, not the past.

And then what do you do if you are not the one having the bad day, but your spouse is?

1. Take it in stride...
I've probably had more bad days than Lee has...and I take it out on him more than he does on me. It's not a daily thing that we take turns on...it's pretty rare for us. I don't expect his bad day just to go away because I want it to...So, when the bad day happens, I let it happen. I don't always to try to fix it...sometimes it's just best to give a little space. It may be best to talk about it afterwards.

2. Keep my comments to myself
I don't have to react to what is being said or done. 1 Corinthians 13 gives a list of what love is. (I talked about it in my blog post Celebrating LOVE, you can click here to read that one). One of the things love does is keeps no record of wrong. I don't bring up his bad days...and he doesn't bring up mine. If it's that bad of a day, I can remember it myself, and I usually regret acting or speaking the way that I did. And I certainly don't talk to someone else about his bad days. That's between me, him and God.

Another thing that I do on my bad days or his is try to find time to journal. Journaling gives me a tangible way to process it with God before I process it with Lee or (on my bad days not his) I may talk to a close friend about it. But if I have journaled about it first, I can know that I've thought about what I needed to say...and I don't just vent to someone else.

I am thankful to have a happy, healthy marriage. Most days are wonderful...but because we are not perfect, we cannot expect our days to be blissful. This is something that we have to continually work on ourselves. 

Be ready to give grace and receive grace. Apologize and accept the apologies! This is a wonderful way to make your marriage better. Even the best of marriages can improve!!

How to Write New Year's Resolutions

It's getting close to that time of year again...

Time to make New Year's Resolutions.

When we were younger...like starting in our tweens...my cousins and friends and I would put our resolutions in a box and open them together the following year. It was a lot of fun for us...and our crazy dreams...some of which happened...and some of which didn't.

I really wish it was something that we could do together now...Maybe we'll have to create a virtual one...or just mail the actual ones to Syl and have her put them in a box...but the fun part was opening it the following year.

The thing about the box though was that I almost always forgot what I put in it. Like 99% of what I put in it. I think one year I even copied what I had written for the box...but I just didn't keep looking at it.

So, this year for my goals, I am going to keep them in front of me...something that I plan to be able to see written and read it on a regular basis...

And I'm not going to make a ridiculously long list of unrealistic goals that cannot be reached...trust me, I had plenty of those in the box over the years.

I have learned that goals are something that can be measured...and there should be attainable steps or benchmarks to get to it.

I can't just say, "I want to lose weight..."

I need to say, "I want to lose 10 pounds in 3 months...and I will do this by doing my 30 day shred video 3 times a week...cutting out cokes...and eating a salad as a meal once a day for 3 days a week."

That's more realistic for me. I don't want salads every day. I know I won't workout 7 days a week or even 5 days a week right now with 3 little ones at home. I have to be realistic in my goals...what I resolve for the next year.

So, I'm going to be working on this list for the next few days. I will keep track of it on my phone...and it will go in my journal. I may even share those resolutions on here as a form of accountability.

My plan is this in a nutshell:
1. write 5 specific, measurable goals with steps/benchmarks to achieve them
2. Put a brief version of these 5 goals on the wall in my bathroom so I can see them on a daily basis
3. Have a specific reward for when I reach each of those goals

I can tell you that I'm excited about this...and I'm looking forward to looking back at the end of 2013 to see how much I've accomplished throughout the year!

Right now for me, it's a new year and new beginnings!!!

How do you feel about New Year's Resolutions??

Baby Blues

I did great for the first week. I felt great. Physically, emotionally, even spiritually...I was doing good.

Then Friday rolled around. A week and a day after I had Breelee...

And the baby blues hit me like an avalanche.

I cried all day long. About everything.

It started with a frustrating moment with our trash pick up service (or lack thereof)...which is a whole different story...but anyways, that frustration triggered an onset of emotions.

Frustration brought on tears...and then the tears didn't stop all day. Everything made me cry.

Then I started feeling homesick. It's cold here. The holidays are approaching...and I haven't seen my family since May. And I know it will be a while before I get to see them again. And everyone is going to be at my parents house for Thanksgiving this year...even those who haven't been in years...

And it's hard in a hormonal, emotional state to decipher what's reality and what's fleeting emotions.

At least I was aware that no major decisions would be made on Friday or Saturday (yes, the crying continued into part of Saturday, too).

I know my hormones are going through a 3-ring circus right now. Everything is changing in me physiologically...which is affecting my emotions...and I refuse to make decisions based on my emotions alone.

So, I just cried.

I couldn't talk to Lee without tearing up about whatever words were coming out of my mouth...if I could even get the words out of my mouth - whether that was about the stupid trash or which neighbor was bringing dinner over that night or the beautiful table that he refinished...everything - good or bad - had me a big ball of mess.

And then part of me feels like it was just the slightest bit spiritual. Just a little. I hate over-spiritualizing things.

But, I had just written a blog post the day before about how much peace we felt from God in our house. Now, looking back, I feel like that was being challenged by the enemy. And I feel like I didn't rely enough on God in my crazy state of emotions.

I'm not beating myself up about this now...I started feeling much better yesterday, and then last night we had dinner with Shawn & Amy, and we laughed together, and they encouraged us, and we walked from their house to our house feeling refreshed...

I did journal on Friday and Saturday. I did write honestly about how I was feeling...even if it was irrational. And I believe that is part of what helped me through this bout of baby blues. And I know that when I look back on it in a few days I'll be able to learn even more about myself in that experience.

(*Side note - now when I want to journal and the kids are awake, I turn on some worship music and get out a notebook for each of them and they draw and "write" like I do...it's a good time for all of us.)

 Hormones are a crazy part of pregnancy and post-partumn. They can wreak havoc on a woman and affect the rest of her family as well. I do not want to stifle my emotions, but I refuse to let them control me. I don't feel like I did or thought anything that I regret - I didn't act on those emotions. That's why journaling is so safe for me. I can process it first that way.

* I can say that after having Bella, I now think that I had post-partumn depression and just didn't get treated. The description of it says that if you don't want to take care of your baby or yourself, then you have it. Well, my problem was that I wanted to take care of her, and nursing wasn't working out for us. I cried too much...even though I was taking care of her and myself ok. I still should have gotten help. (Don't let that be the part of the description that is keeping you from getting help if you need it!!)

This is a whole new experience for us...3 kids...1400 miles away from all we've ever known...a new community...a new way of life...it really is a whole new trusting God experience.

But, we are living a story worth telling. And even when my emotions are in a chaotic state, I can trust God that He has my best interest in mind.

Trigger Points and Trip Wires

Several years ago, Lee & I did an Campus Missionary in Training (CMIT) internship for Chi Alpha at the University of Louisiana Lafayette.

We learned a lot that year...a whole lot...

One of the things that I remember was a special session that Sean Smith did just for the 4 of us interns.

He talked about Trigger Points and Trip Wires...


Trip Wires 

These are the things that trip you up. The things that bring you down. The attacks that the enemy of your soul uses to get to you...



This can be temptations or things that happen regularly that you need to be aware of. 

For instance, Lee often recognizes that when he gets really tired, he starts getting negative. He'll say, "I just need to shut up and go to bed." I think that takes a lot for him to recognize that. He could keep talking to me...even if it is negative about whatever is going on in our life...and it really wouldn't hurt anything - or so I think. But instead of allowing the poison to spread...he just stops and gets ready for bed...or a nap...

Dr. David Remedios, a wonderful man of God who is a nationally known surgeon, pastor/evangelist, and a husband and father of 5, taught us about "HALT" - you should always halt (stop) when you are:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Lee and I have lived by this...it may take us a little time to recognize that we need to stop and meet one of these needs because it is influencing our attitude and behavior or thoughts...

Another trip wire for me is pride. I can get caught up on what I am doing...how good I am feeling about what I'm doing...instead of being humble...instead of bringing glory to God. Or I have a sense a false humility...which is awful. 

Just being transparent here. 

There are more trip wires in my life. And some of them I am not aware of until after I've tripped and fallen into the trap. It's important to recognize this...and journaling has really helped. As I re-read and reflect, I can see something that I may not be able to see in the moment. That's why it is important for me to be honest and consistent in my journaling. 

Trigger Points

These are the things that bring you up....that lift you up when you are down. 

This can be songs, Scripture verses, people, places, prayer times, journaling...

It's important to also be aware of these things in your life. Even when you don't feel like getting out of the pit that you are in, it is vital that you get back up!!! These are the things you need to make that happen. 

There are people in my life who I know I can call, text, Facebook, email...whatever...to bring encouragement into my life. It's too easy now with technology for me to try to stay alone and wallow in my sorrows. And most of these people are not around me every day...so I have to reach out to them...and be honest about where I'm at and what I need. And they don't mind helping me!!!

I also have a worship playlist...and an up-beat dance playlist on my computer that I can listen to...and it really does lift my spirits!! 

Trust me, there are times when I don't want to listen...it seems more fun in my pity party. But Jesus didn't die for my sins for me to have a pity party...

John 10:10 (NIV)

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

I don't want my life to be destroyed...I want to live it to the full!!!

It's important that if you do get tripped...get up!! Be more cautious about what is causing you to trip...take note of the people you are around, the things that you are listening to and watching... and be ready to have the things in your life to lift you up.

I had baby blues really bad after Bella. I think I had post-partumn depression, but I just didn't get treated for it. I was a mess, and Lee didn't know what to do with me. It was so rough. So when I was at the end of my pregnancy with Brennan, I prepared myself as much as I could. I got new makeup...new haircut...and I had specifically saved money for things that I knew would make me feel better. Honestly, I'm doing the same thing for this pregnancy as well. I'm preparing myself. I have a series of things that I know will make me feel better. I have a ton of books (most for free) on my Kindle that I'll be able to read during feedings and times when I may be at home by myself. I invested my birthday money in skin care that I know will adjust with my changing hormones. I want to be prepared to keep myself lifted!!!!

We all go through seasons...and some seasons are more difficult than others. But there is no way that you can "stay up" all the time...but when you know that you are down...it is your responsibility to get yourself "up" - NOT someone else's!! So do your best to know what trips you and knocks you down and then what (and who) can help lift you back up again!!