Beginning to Reflect on 2014

I've decided that I'm going to get back into blogging! 

All it takes is a decision and action! :) 

As we get to the end of 2014, it is a huge time of reflection for me! I've done this since I was a teenager. It's great to look back and see where I've been and plan and dream about where I am going. 

2014 has been a...year. I'm struggling with finding the right adjective to describe it. 

There were some really good, amazing, incredible things that happened...beautiful moments...but then there were some hard, dark, harsh moments too. 

Most people may not be aware of the dark moments that our family faced. And that is ok. Even though we live in an age of social media, where everyone is connected, but these moments were hard to describe. Every once in a while we might have asked for prayer or said we were having a hard time, but it wasn't a picture of the daily struggles we were facing. 

Lee was in a serious season of deep depression. Each day...each moment...was a struggle. I felt as if we had been robbed of our joy, and no matter what we did or what we prayed, we couldn't get it back. 

I knew it was bad...but often, I don't think I realized it was as bad as it was. 

We lived in survival mode. Just barely making it from one day to the next. 

I think the day that I realized it exactly how hard it had been was when a group of our UL Chi Alpha students came to Colorado for a camping trip and then came to Connection Church on the Sunday before they headed back to Louisiana. We hung out with them at Blair and Christian's apartment after church for a while, which was wonderful! 

I hadn't seen Lee that genuinely happy in a very long time. He was alive. He was himself. He was the man I had married. After that Sunday, I just kept crying as I thought about the glimpse of my husband I had seen. I missed him. 

That was one of the hardest seasons we have been through together. 

I personally went through a time of depression after we lost everything in our Uhaul fire and Hurricane Katrina demolished my hometown. And Lee was super supportive as we survived that time, even dealing with his own emotions and grief. 

This time around...3 little babies at home all day...it was extra difficult. 

I'm thankful for the grace of God. I'm thankful that He walked us through that season. And I'm happy to say that it is over! 

There is joy in our home and our lives again. We work hard to not live in a constant state of survival with our 3 little ones. This is such a demanding season of life with them, but we definitely want to enjoy it and embrace it! I know that it will not be like this forever, and I refuse to rush through it by wishing for the next season to come!

We are stronger because of the struggles we walk through together. And we can appreciate where we are now because of where we have been. 

Looking forward to 2015!!

Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." 

Dunzo Days

I don't know why some days are harder than others. 

I don't know if it is my fluctuating hormones that cannot handle days like today. 

My kids don't seem to be doing anything they don't normally do. 

Bella asks the same thing a billion times only for me to give her the same answer a billion times. Persistence is one of her giftings. She can be relentless.

Brennan is into super heroes right now. Particularly the Hulk. He goes around the house knocking things over, jumping on things, breaking things, punching things and people... No matter how many times I say, "Keep your hands to yourself," he's not listening. 

Breelee is a super sweet baby...but she's my spit up queen. The other 2 did not require bibs very often. With this one, I have to change my clothes or hers multiple times a day. No matter if a bib or a burp clothe is in place, there will still have to be a wardrobe change at least once after the initial change of the day. 

And some days I find myself handling these situations with grace and patience. 

And other days I just want to pull my hair out. 

I know I have soooo much to be thankful for. Soooo much. 

I'm blessed. I know it. 

And there are a million things that I can remind myself of why I should be enjoying a day like today even when I'm not. 

Someday soon my babies will no longer be babies...they won't require my attention...they won't ask me a million times about anything...and I don't need or want to rush to that season of life. 

My prayer for days like today when I just feel dunzo (completely done...nothing left in me...drained...no patience) is this: 

"Lord, help me to embrace these moments, even in the midst of my chaos."

And I know that He has and I know that He will. 

And I'm so very thankful that my good days outnumber my rough ones.