#MOMFAIL Moment

The past few days I had an awful headache...one like I haven't had in a very long time. 

My sweet Bella took such good care of me and her siblings yesterday while her daddy was at work.

I was up and about for a little while, but it got to the point where I just wanted to lay down to rest is out so it wouldn't get worse. 

She checked on me often, and kept her brother and sister hydrated and entertained! That's not always an easy task! 

Plus she brought me a wet rag for my head and a cup of water to drink. She's so thoughtful.  

She's such a sweet, caring, fun-loving girl. 

I appreciate her love for life so very much.



And after all of that...right before bedtime...I fussed at her for kicking her brother in the face (accidentally) when she was doing a cartwheel in the living room. 

I blew it. It was one of those #momfail moments.

I am thankful for God's grace and mercy...that I was able to ask for forgiveness and hug it out with her...I know I hurt her feelings. 

So much goodness can be lost in seconds. 

I need to get better about not overreacting to such little things that just don't matter.

Kids are going to be kids. Rambunctious. Loud. Chaos-causing. Seeking fun and adventure.

It's my job to show them love, peace, grace, mercy...and so much more. I want to be patient with them. I want to be consistent with them. I want to provide a nurturing environment so that they can grow to be the best version of themselves. I don't want to stifle anything.

In life...not just parenthood...we blow it. We make mistakes. It's important that we own up to it. Don't blame bad attitudes, bad days, or someone else. Make the best of that. Learn from it and move on!!

Ordinary Days Count...

My sweet friend Jessica Blood recently sent me a book that she read and wanted me to discuss with her! Yes, she's that amazing and thoughtful of a friend!

The book is called Simply Tuesday by Emily P. Freeman...

The subtitle is small-moment living in a fast-moving world...

The book came to mind as I was sweeping the floor for the 3rd time today. I literally thought to myself am I ever not going to clean the same messes 5 times a day???

I know the answer to that...I know it won't be forever. I have heard countless women in my life who have said that they miss the days that I am currently in. Their smiles and stories of their time in this season do bring me comfort. Most of the women I talk to speak with joy and almost a sense of longing to go back to those days.

I picked the book back up today...for as avid of a reader as I used to be...that is something that has gotten harder for me with little kids. (I can't tell you how many times I was interrupted reading as well as while writing this!!!)

Emily quotes Wendy M. Wright who wrote a book called The Time Between...She says Wendy "challenges our usual definition of the word ordinary."

It does not mean what you might think: boring, uneventful, undistinguished, everyday, ordinary. In fact, it means 'counted time.' The word ordinary comes from the word ordinal, to count. 

I feel like my life is full of what I might think of "ordinary days."

Boring. Uneventful. Undistinguished.

But these days count too.

Washing the same dishes. Sweeping up the same crumbs. Folding the same clothes.

It's not just about doing these simple duties. It's about my attitude while doing them.

God has been challenging me focus on being a better manager of my home. Truly taking care and managing our house. Nurturing our children.

I want to be a joyful manager.

I want my girls to know that there is joy and beauty of being a homemaker. And if that is something that they desire and God blesses them with, they can find joy in it too. I want Brennan to have a great example as he begins searching for a godly wife.

What I do today counts for their tomorrow. It counts for my future too.



*yes, this is an affiliated link! If you click on it and purchase this book, I will make a small percentage of it. :)

3 Things About Being a Mom of Little Ones

1) I feel like I am always fixing food. Breakfast. Snack. Lunch. Snack. Dinner. and usually a before bed snack too. The constant request for food is draining at times. I know that I won't always be required to fix food...but when they are little, it's not an option. And their little metabolism is running full speed with all that playing...so they require the fuel of food to keep them going. 
But oh my gosh...I feel like they just had a snack and now they are asking when it's lunch time! 


2) Potty-training is disgusting. Thankfully the accidents have been fewer as each day passes, but it seems like there will be one off day when all I am doing is cleaning the kid...the clothes...the floor. And Breelee refuses to use the big toilet...she just wants to use her little potty...and washing it out makes me thankful for indoor plumbing! 


3) Homeschool seems chaotic. Today, when I was working at the table next to Bella, Breelee pulled up a chair to sit between me and her. She wanted to be doing exactly what Bella was doing. I know this is a great way for Breelee to learn...and Bella was fine with it and even snuggled up to her at one point. It's been a goal of mine to teach them to wait to talk while someone else is talking. I used to say "Don't interrupt..." and then I realized they don't know what the word interrupt means! I have to teach them to not talk while the person is talking first. Whew. That's an ongoing lesson in this house. 



I know this won't last forever. It is really hard at times to think that it will be different while I'm in this season. I try my best to embrace the moments. To enjoy the laughter that I hear...the sweet small voices (when they aren't screaming)...the snuggles that I get...

Be encouraged moms!! Your job is important! 

But for now, it's time to go clean up a mess and get lunch on the table! 

Yes, I Am Biased About My Kids...

Every parent should be biased about their own children. It's a given. 

I know my kids aren't the absolute best...they aren't on the genius levels...

But they are the smartest, funniest, most beautiful children that I know... and I am totally ok with you disagreeing and feeling those things towards your own children! 

Here are a few things I love about my kiddos::

1) They work hard to make each other laugh. Breelee is the one who does this the most. From bodily functions on demand or crazy dance moves...she can make them laugh. And when she's crying or another one of them is crying...they do their best to make that one laugh. Yes there is fighting...but most of the time, there is a lot of laughter in my house! 

2) They enjoy making new friends. It is very easy and natural for them to introduce themselves to others. I think this stems from our work with Chi Alpha, where Bella regularly heard her daddy introduce himself and then introduce us. He still introduces us when we go to visit him at work. It's precious to hear them introduce themselves in the same format...it's a blessing! 

3) I get to watch their faith grow. We ask them things that they want to pray about...and then Lee and I decide 1 or 2 things that we pray together for as a family...every night. One of the big things we prayed for when Bella was little was for some friends of ours to get a house. We prayed for months for their situation, and they eventually got a house! It wasn't where they planned or pictured, but they were able to trust God that it was the right place for them. Chris, our thoughtful friend who knew we were praying for his family, sent Bella a thank you card and a picture of their house...talk about building her faith! I know that God is not like Santa Claus...it's not a just because I ask I get it situation...but when we ask in accordance to what God's plans are, He will answer. 

This is not exhausted by any means...but this season of life is tough. Three little ones are not easy to manage. But again I want to challenge myself to focus on what I love. There is a lot that drives me bananas...a lot that I don't always handle well...but if I can focus on what I love, it will help me create the kind of safe, warm, and fun environment I want my home to be. 

So, now that I know you are biased...what do you love about your kiddos or those kiddos closest to you? 

My Life is a 3 Ring Circus...

I feel like my life is a 3-ring circus...

The constant activity of 3 very active little ones keeps me going in 3 different directions...

Bella has been in a gymnastics class for 3 weeks now...she absolutely loves it. LOVES IT. She practices her cartwheels and handstands all of the time...all day...every day...I know she even does them in her sleep. 

And while this hour long class is taking place at this huge, amazing gym...I spend my time trying to watch her (because she occasionally looks over to make sure I am)...and then chasing 2 other children in the small area.

I feel like I am in a mud pit trying to chase greased pigs. 

That's just 1 hour out of 1 day of the week...in a public place.

At home it is just as crazy. 

I hear the word "MOM!" yelled multiple times...even if I am sitting right next to them. I have to be looking right at them for them to stop...

And sweet mother of pearl...if I am trying to attempt something like finish loading the dishwasher or put away the mountain of laundry, someone is going to do their best to prevent that from happening. 

Home school is another circus...again with the constant need for me to be right there...giving constant attention...and I feel like my head is spinning in a million directions. 

My sweet friend Josie and I talk pretty often...I met her several years ago...when her kids were the ages that my kids are now. She encourages my heart so much. She tells me often of the moments that have become memories. 

I know it is not really a circus. I have GREAT kids. They are just active and full of life. They love me and want me to be present for every moment of their days...and if I am not careful now, they will not want me to be a part of their days in the near future. 

So, if you see me around...or you call me...or FaceTime me...at least you can be entertained by our 3 ring circus! 

In High Demand...

Being a mom of little ones has to be the most demanding job there is. 

I know that there may be more challenging jobs. And even as a parent, there are difficult and challenging seasons and stages...

But with having 3 little ones that are ages 6 and under...the demands seem endless. 

Food has to be prepared for them. All of the time. And when 1 seems to be going through a growth spurt, the others follow suit and want to eat all of the things in the house all of the time.  

When one is sick, that one consumes my day by staying put in my lap. 

And there are many tears shed by that 1 when I get up to get food or anything else for the other ones. 

It is just straight up demanding. 

I try to breath slowly and calm my nerves as I am fixing something for one and getting asked repeatedly for something else by the others. 

It doesn't matter if I acknowledge them and let them know I am aware of their requests. They are only quiet when the requested thing is in front of them. Then they are satisfied for 5 minutes. Maybe.

I hear from my other mom friends who have older children (these amazing women in my life whom I love dearly) that this is a stage...it won't always look like this. 

It will look different as you wait with your teenager to see if he passed or failed his driving test...

It will look different as you hold your crying teenager who is suffering from a broken heart...

It will look different. 

I know that there will be a time when I will ask my kids if I can fix something for them to eat instead of hearing their demands from the moment they wake up until the moment they go to sleep.

I am doing my best to embrace this season of life. 

Lord, help me to appreciate the demands. Help me be thankful that I have happy, healthy children who are growing...and you've provided food for our family to ensure they continue to be healthy and full of life. 
Help me to continue to show them patience...that it is ok to wait...and appreciate that they know how and when to say "please" and "thank you." 

Just like any other job, it's a good thing when you are in high demand...it means you have a gift and a purpose to share with those who need you most. 

I want to be even more thankful that I am in high demand...

Stop Growing!!! A Reflection of My Growing Babies in 2014!!

My kids are growing so quickly!!! 

Bella is learning to read, and she's doing a fabulous job! It is getting to the point where Lee and I can't spell things out to each other anymore because she will know what we are talking about. 

She's a pro at riding her bike. She makes friends super easily, and she loves playing with the kids on our street. She still loves to sing and dance, and life is definitely better for her when she has an audience! 

She is an adventurer! She loves being outside and playing in the snow!! When we are ready to take the task of taking 3 kids up to the mountains, we are going to get her snowboarding lessons! 

Brennan is all boy! His curiosity is piqued from Bella learning to read, so he's interested in learning his letters and sounds for now. 

He loves all things ninja turtles, and he can often be found with swords in the back of his shirt. It's quite entertaining! He looks forward to his dad getting home from work so that he can begin fighting and wrestling with someone who will fight back and he won't get in trouble for it! 

He is a mischievous little boy, and I absolutely love it!

He is so different from Bella in so many ways, and learning what works with him keeps me on my toes. 

Breelee is a hot mess. She LOVES to make people laugh. She's super silly and sweet. She loves Minnie Mouse and wants anything that her older siblings are playing with. She has an amazing vocabulary, and she seems to talk non-stop! 

She is pretty much out of the breath-holding spells. It's been a very long time since she's had one...and the threat of them happening are pretty rare...usually just when she gets hurt...which is rare! She's a tough cookie!

We are so blessed to have happy, healthy babies!
They get along well (most of the time) and love each other very much.

Bring on 2015!!! 

To Relish in This Season...

Gosh...here I go again.

I have about 5 blog posts that I've started...I just haven't finished them yet. Not quite ready to publish.

I was telling Lee last night that this is such a demanding season of life.

3 little ones - ages 5 and under...

I just seem to stay busy and feel like I am always in survival mode.

I just want to make it to the next day.

There are often dishes left in my sink.

Laundry in the process of being sorted/washed/dried/put away...and in various places of the house in those stages.

A floor that needs to be vacuumed...only to stay needing that vacuum because a baby has finally fallen asleep and the older 2 are being quiet enough that I don't want to take the risk of disrupting that sweet blissful moment.

I know this is a season. Just like it is fall right now...winter is coming...and before I know it, it will be spring!

I just had our parent-teacher conference with Bella's teacher.

We made the decision to keep Bella in preschool one more year instead of putting her in kindergarten.

Her teacher went on and on about the difference between the 2 years.

Bella was the youngest last year. She had difficulties using scissors, sitting still and following directions.


This year, she's older...and her teacher said that Bella is the natural leader in the class. She said Bella will be ready to move on next year...and she will have so much more confidence for her whole academic career. It's one of the best decisions Lee & I have made in a long time! 

Her teacher had so many wonderful things to say about our precious Bella. It's treasured words that I wrote in my journal as soon as I could because I never want those words to leave my heart. 

It seems like just yesterday she was wearing the same clothes that Breelee is wearing now. She was that tiny...walking around Cafe Chi Alpha...watching you tube videos of Sesame Street songs with her college friends. 

And now she's writing, coloring, drawing, singing, dancing, and becoming a beautiful young lady right before my eyes. 

And the other 2 aren't far behind her. 

Breelee will be walking soon...she's already taking several steps in a row. Her little personality is shining through, too.  

Brennan is getting taller...becoming more creative in his imagination and playing.

This is a season. I know that other seasons will have their challenges and demands. I know that there will be moments I will want to cry and pull my hair out...for totally different reasons than I am facing now...

So for right now, Lord, help me to embrace this season. To enjoy the innocence of my babies. To relish in the snuggles and giggles and the moments that will never be like this again. 

Breelee's Breath Holding Spells

Being a parent has to be the hardest job on the planet. 

The responsibility of little ones' lives relies on the shoulders of those who raise them.

Wednesday was an extra hard day being a mom. 

At about 11 am, Breelee bumped her mouth on an end table that she was walking along side of. 

That's been the new thing. Standing. Walking along furniture. Taking 1 or 2 steps. 

I mean, she's almost 1 after all!

So, when she bumped her mouth, I immediately picked her up and held her. 

Breelee has a tendancy to hold her breath when she's crying. (Brennan did this too). 

It usually results in her passing out, and then almost immediately afterwards she comes to...takes a deep breath, and then usually cries. 

Well, that didn't happen today. 

She was holding her breath, so I blew in her face. She turned blue for about 5 seconds. This has happened before. And normally she passes out and then starts breathing normally again...and she may be out for a few seconds, but then she starts crying or comes out of it. 

This time she did not. 

She was non-responsive. 

Her eyes were open and glassy. 

Her breathing was erratic. 

This lasted for 1-2 minutes, so I called 911. 

Nothing I did was stimulating her. She was still not responding. 

I was on the phone with the 911 operator for 7 minutes before the paramedics arrived. 

Breelee was still breathing shallowly, and had closed her eyes. She was really pale.

I thought she was asleep, but she wasn’t waking up when I touched her or moved her. I just don’t know if she was non-responsive at that point or asleep. 

By the time the paramedics were looking at her, she was starting to breathe regularly, but she was still not waking up. 

It took a few minutes of moving her around, sitting her up, passing her to a paramedic to get her to wake up.  

She started crying slowly, and then she started to get color in her cheeks again. 

I refused to be transported to the hospital with her and the 3 kids. So, after signing things and giving info, they left. 

I immediately called my pediatrician and they saw me at 1 pm. 

Dr. Mason said that she was fine at that moment of our appointment...nothing seemed abnormal. But she asked us to go see a pediatric neurologist. Thankfully we will be going soon.  

I notice that Breelee holds her breath and is on the verge of passing out more often when she is tired. 11 am has become her natural nap time...the routine she’s made and is pretty consistent with. So I know she was tired that day when this all happened. 

I would say that she’s passed out 6 or 7 times before. Being tired is the only consistent trigger I’ve noticed. Anything can cause the crying that causes it: not picking her up when she wants to be held, something hurting her. 

It is such a scary thing. I would love to never repeat that day again. It's hard enough when she passes out and comes right to, but that non-responsive state is a sickening feeling. 

She's back to herself...trying to climb up the stairs in the house...pulling every piece of tupperware out of my cabinets. She did pass out again yesterday from crying, but just for a few seconds...and she was tired at that point too. Again, she's back to what I would consider normal!

It will be nice to see the neurologist and have it confirmed that she is ok. Our pediatrician said that she has sent more babies to the neurologist for these breath holding spells than most people realize...and most of the time it is a fluke thing. A phase they grow out of. (Like Brennan)

We are praying that this is a fluke thing!!! Thank you for praying with us. We believe God has given us a happy, healthy baby girl...and we will keep trusting Him through this all. 

The Days Are Long but the Years Are Short

So...it's been a different season of life for me. 


I have been here in this season before, but it looks different with 3 kids. 

Somedays I feel like I haven't had 5 minutes pass without the little people touching me!

Breelee doesn't want me to be out of her sight. Sometimes I have to be within her reach for her to be happy. 

Lee & I went on a date while his parents were here for a visit. She didn't last too long with them...they said she was even saying "Mama" while we were gone. They said she knew who she wanted. 

And I know that this won't last forever...but it does make the days seem extra long. 

Either I'm holding her and not accomplishing anything else in my messy house...or I'm switching laundry over or loading the dishwasher with a crying baby who has crawled to find me and is pulling at my legs. 

The days are long but the years are short...

It wasn't too long ago that Bella and Brennan went through that stage. Sometimes it is even hard to remember it. 

Lee & I watched a video of Bella at about 2 years old...where Brennan is now... and it is crazy to hear her talk...her sweet little voice...and before I know it...Brennan will be talking even clearer than he is now. 

Just a few months ago, he kept asking for what we thought was "Hungry Hippos..." only to find out that it was actually "Super Heroes" which he can say very clearly now. 





The days are long but the years are short...

I've said it before, and I mean it...I don't want to rush to the next stage of life. I know it will have its own set of challenges and demands...

But I want to enjoy this one. And I believe God has given me grace to do so. 

I'm not a perfectionist when it comes to my house...some days I wish I was...but I've been told by my OCD friends that I should be happy that I'm not. I can enjoy time with my kids in my messy house. And really, before I know it...I will have all the time in the world to clean it. But I won't have these days with my babies again...3 kids under the age of 5...

I have heard too many moms of older kids say that they miss the days when their kiddos were little. I've heard women who have complications having kids say that they would trade my noisy, messy house for their quiet, clean house any day...



So I choose to embrace this season, no matter what the days may bring...because afterall...

The days are long but the years are short...

A Teachable Moment:: How to Deal with Disappointment

I have found my newest role in motherhood is teaching Bella how to deal with disappointment.

There are going to be times in life when things don't go the way she wants them to.

Disappointment is a natural part of life. Even the Bible refers to it.

Proverbs 13:12

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹² Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.

I know that I don't always deal with disappointment appropriately...

And I know that she's watching me.

Yesterday we went to our church's playdate group. It was at a swimming pool...the sun was shining, the water felt great...

this is from our first Connection Church playdate

We played for an hour and a half.

Brennan had eaten all of our snacks and was tired...Breelee was tired...but Bella wasn't ready to go.

We were the first family to leave.

And that was devastating for Bella. Absolutely devastating.

She cried. A real, genuine cry.

I tried to empathize with her...I told her that I understood that she was disappointed. I understood that it was ok to cry.

But her loud ceaseless crying in the car was waking up her baby sister...and to have 2 crying girls in the car would have been too much for me in that moment.

We got home...ate lunch...and she mostly recovered.

Later, she apologized for crying about leaving the pool.

Her tender heart amazes me.

I told her that I appreciated it...I understood she was disappointed...but it was important for her to listen to me when I say it is time to go.

Honestly, I could have given in to her...I could have let her have her way and let her stay...I could have turned the stroller around and said, "Ok, Bella, since you are crying and so thoroughly disappointed, we will stay the extra 5 minutes until everyone else leaves."

But that wouldn't have taught her an accurate way to deal with disappointment. It would have just showed her that if she cries enough...if she shows enough disappointment...if she throws a fit...she can get her way.

But that's not how I want her to grow up. I want her to learn how to move on when it is time to...

I am the one who sets the boundaries...not her...It is my role as her mom.

Today, she has recovered. She's playing. She's learning. She's growing.

She is learning that it is ok to cry...but she's also learning that she cannot get her way all of the time. It is not fun...but she will be a better person because of it.

A Tired Mommy

I feel like I'm just dragging.

Just can't seem to keep up with anything.

Laundry is piling up - clean and dirty piles alike!!

The sink never seems empty...

And at times it feels very overwhelming.

I keep reminding myself that this is just a season...but sometimes it is hard to remember to remind myself that!

I remember seeing one of my friends with 4 little ones use the hashtag #sleepdeprived...and now I am definitely right there with her. I am definitely feeling sleep deprived!!

It is hard to make sound decisions when I am lacking sleep.

It is hard for me to keep a positive attitude when I am lacking sleep.

It is hard for me to have patience with anyone - even my kids - when I am lacking sleep.

So, how do I fix that? I cannot just take a nap whenever I want to...There's not a time to "sleep when the baby sleeps" right now...

So, I have to spend time in prayer...and this may just be a brief moment!! There is power in spending a moment with God...He knows the value of my time, and I know He appreciates my recognition of Him...and my need for Him to be with me!!

I try journal when I can. If Breelee is asleep, I'm usually able to do this...even if it means getting paper and pens for the older two to write along with me...

birthday party fun!!

Turning music on in our house helps too. It can definitely change the atmosphere...and my attitude.

I also am trying to take a deep breath before I say anything when my kids do something they aren't supposed to. This is not always my first reaction, but I would like for it to become it!!!

I am also trying to enjoy life with my kids. I want them to have good, positive memories of their childhood...

This is just a different, demanding season of life. I know it will go by quickly...and I don't want to spend all my time rushing and wishing for the next season to happen.

I want to enjoy today...no matter how tired I am!!