My Life is a 3 Ring Circus...

I feel like my life is a 3-ring circus...

The constant activity of 3 very active little ones keeps me going in 3 different directions...

Bella has been in a gymnastics class for 3 weeks now...she absolutely loves it. LOVES IT. She practices her cartwheels and handstands all of the time...all day...every day...I know she even does them in her sleep. 

And while this hour long class is taking place at this huge, amazing gym...I spend my time trying to watch her (because she occasionally looks over to make sure I am)...and then chasing 2 other children in the small area.

I feel like I am in a mud pit trying to chase greased pigs. 

That's just 1 hour out of 1 day of the week...in a public place.

At home it is just as crazy. 

I hear the word "MOM!" yelled multiple times...even if I am sitting right next to them. I have to be looking right at them for them to stop...

And sweet mother of pearl...if I am trying to attempt something like finish loading the dishwasher or put away the mountain of laundry, someone is going to do their best to prevent that from happening. 

Home school is another circus...again with the constant need for me to be right there...giving constant attention...and I feel like my head is spinning in a million directions. 

My sweet friend Josie and I talk pretty often...I met her several years ago...when her kids were the ages that my kids are now. She encourages my heart so much. She tells me often of the moments that have become memories. 

I know it is not really a circus. I have GREAT kids. They are just active and full of life. They love me and want me to be present for every moment of their days...and if I am not careful now, they will not want me to be a part of their days in the near future. 

So, if you see me around...or you call me...or FaceTime me...at least you can be entertained by our 3 ring circus! 

A Few Things in Life that I'm Enjoying...

I'm enjoying the weather right now...the days may be a little hot, but the evenings are absolutely perfect. Sometimes I even need a sweater as we sit on the swing...it's beautiful. 

I'm enjoy Lee's work schedule. It's wonderful getting to spend time with him when we do. 

I'm enjoying my Nike Fuelband. Lee & I both have one...we got them for our birthdays. We each have our own "fuel points" goals, and we are working towards meeting those every day. My goal stretches me...I have to do something extra to hit it...It's a great common interest for us...we are able to keep each other motivated as we work towards meeting our fitness goals. I am working towards having a 3 day streak!!


I'm enjoying my new Pampered Chef products. I am happy to be a new Pampered Chef Independent Consultant...and I am having a blast setting up shows on Facebook and in homes. 

I hosted my first party at my house last night. We had a salsa making contest using my new products. It was sooooo fun!!! I am looking forward to getting more comfortable with the process. Next week, I have a "Date Night" cooking show scheduled with a friend from college who lives here in Colorado...and we'll have the salsa making contest again!!! So fun!


I'm enjoying my kids. It is a demanding season, but our home is full of noise (sometimes good...sometimes not so good...), love, and laughter. Yes, there are many messes...and sometimes I feel trapped in the monotony of day to day things...but I know I will look back, and life will never be like it was when I had 3 little ones at home. 
(From when I began writing this post, Breelee pulled up on the couch...and not long after I picked her up, she fell asleep on me. These are sweet moments that don't last forever!)

I'm enjoying my church. Connection Church is a wonderful place that connects people with God and with each other. Megan, a young lady who has been coming to our church recently told me, "I've found nothing that can compare to the genuineness of what's happening in that auditorium." That's so awesome! And I get to be a part of that!! It really is a beautiful thing. 

What are some things that you are enjoying right now?

A Teachable Moment:: How to Deal with Disappointment

I have found my newest role in motherhood is teaching Bella how to deal with disappointment.

There are going to be times in life when things don't go the way she wants them to.

Disappointment is a natural part of life. Even the Bible refers to it.

Proverbs 13:12

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹² Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.

I know that I don't always deal with disappointment appropriately...

And I know that she's watching me.

Yesterday we went to our church's playdate group. It was at a swimming pool...the sun was shining, the water felt great...

this is from our first Connection Church playdate

We played for an hour and a half.

Brennan had eaten all of our snacks and was tired...Breelee was tired...but Bella wasn't ready to go.

We were the first family to leave.

And that was devastating for Bella. Absolutely devastating.

She cried. A real, genuine cry.

I tried to empathize with her...I told her that I understood that she was disappointed. I understood that it was ok to cry.

But her loud ceaseless crying in the car was waking up her baby sister...and to have 2 crying girls in the car would have been too much for me in that moment.

We got home...ate lunch...and she mostly recovered.

Later, she apologized for crying about leaving the pool.

Her tender heart amazes me.

I told her that I appreciated it...I understood she was disappointed...but it was important for her to listen to me when I say it is time to go.

Honestly, I could have given in to her...I could have let her have her way and let her stay...I could have turned the stroller around and said, "Ok, Bella, since you are crying and so thoroughly disappointed, we will stay the extra 5 minutes until everyone else leaves."

But that wouldn't have taught her an accurate way to deal with disappointment. It would have just showed her that if she cries enough...if she shows enough disappointment...if she throws a fit...she can get her way.

But that's not how I want her to grow up. I want her to learn how to move on when it is time to...

I am the one who sets the boundaries...not her...It is my role as her mom.

Today, she has recovered. She's playing. She's learning. She's growing.

She is learning that it is ok to cry...but she's also learning that she cannot get her way all of the time. It is not fun...but she will be a better person because of it.

Fancy Nancy Nightmare

I tried going to the library this past week. 

There was an activity I had seen advertise on a Facebook page...

 A "Fancy Nancy Tea Party..." 

Bella has a few Fancy Nancy books, and she's all about dressing up and being fancy, so I thought this would be great for her. 

So, we made it to the local library...our first venture there...

And I found out that I was supposed to RSVP for this event...

I don't even have a local library card yet...this is our first visit there!! So, we walked away from the sign up table. 

The librarian came to find me to tell me that there was room for Bella.

So we went back to the area where Bella was able to make a bracelet out of candy and fruitloops, a cute crown she was able to decorate...and then go in for the tea party...

There were cute cookies, fruit kabobs, fancy sandwiches...

And then there was Brennan...

He wasn't ready to sit on the floor for the tea party. He was ready to go back to the puzzles and kids books...

And he let me know that by trying to escape the room...even though they gave him some cookies and fruit too. 

So, after the first Fancy Nancy book was read, I left. I couldn't take it. I was trying to hold an infant and keep a toddler occupied...just wasn't working. 

So we went back to the kids area. 

My kids were fine until Bella saw another girl with a butterfly place setting...and Bella realized she didn't have hers...and she hadn't taken a picture in the photo booth...

So, meltdowns started then. 

I was dunzo. I walked out of the library with a drooling infant, a screaming toddler, and a pouting princess. 

I was so frustrated on my way home. I felt trapped all over again. Like I can never leave my house with my kids. It's just a nightmare. 

We got home, and Bella went out on the back deck. 

She said, "I"m done, done, done going to the library." 

I told her that was fine. We weren't going to go again any time soon.

She said, "I'm not talking to you...I'm talking to Jesus." 

Honestly, that made me smile. I am happy that she knows she can bring her frustrations to Jesus. I know He heard her. I'm so glad she's developing her own relationship with Him.

I don't know when I'll actually venture to the library again...but I'm thankful to know that in a moment of frustration, my little girl talks to Jesus. 

Doing 2 Jobs at Once

It's tough being a mom. Period.

It's also tough being a mom and then having to do different jobs too...

I'm fortunate that I get to stay at home with all 3 of my kiddos. I don't have to work outside of the home, and really, I don't have to have an outside job that I do from home...although I am alway trying to find one that fits me!! (I'd love to make some extra money - and home-based businesses aren't on my radar right now!!!)

But, THE reason we moved to Colorado is to work for Connection Church. And we love it. It is our church.

And I've been able to be involved in being a part of the ministry. Either singing on the worship team, running the media, or teaching kids church...I'm doing something every Sunday, and I love it!

But, it's been a little difficult with a newborn. We have a young lady who works for us on Sundays...and my kids absolutely adore her...but now with Breelee, it's a challenge for me. I have to nurse her extra early before I leave the house and get the kids ready (all with major hopes that she doesn't poop or spit up on everything)...and then she's usually asleep when we get to the church...but it means that at some point before or during service, I'm going to have to nurse her again.

This past Sunday, she woke up screaming...we were about to rehearse the song I was leading, and Breelee was just ready to nurse. Our rehearsal time is very limited because we have to set up everything before practicing...and then we have a short meeting before service begins...but I still had to get off stage to go nurse a baby while the worship team continued practicing. (yeah, that was a little awkward!) It's just a challenge.

And it would be easier if Breelee took a bottle, but she doesn't. She gags and screams. And I don't feel like it is someone else's responsibility to soothe my screaming child when she's hungry and I'm the only one who can do something about it.

It's also a challenge to teach kids church for the same reason...at some point I know I'm going to have to nurse my baby.

I know that this is a season. And really, it's a short season. Before I know it, Breelee will not be this little. My babies will be all grown up.

But right now they are not...and I want to enjoy this season. I want to embrace it for all of its glorious moments and its challenges. I do not want to spend this time frustrated or stressed out.

I'm a part of a great group of people at Connection Church. The nursery workers love snuggling Breelee, and they've told me that she usually falls asleep almost as soon as she hears the worship team start playing. That's so awesome...and it's wonderful that there I have amazing people there to take care of my babies.

It honestly feels weird at times knowing that I almost have to let her go. I can't take her in kids church with me. I can't have her on stage with me. And although I can have her with me when I run presentation, she has to be asleep for that...and there are no guarantees...so it is just a part of it to leave her in the care of someone else...just for a little while.

It can be difficult wearing 2 hats at once...

What are some times when you feel like you are doing 2 jobs at once? How do you handle it?

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

Christmas time is here. It's a fun time of celebration with our kids.

Buford the elf has been visiting our house for a few weeks now. The first thing that Bella does when she wakes up in the morning is rush downstairs to see where Buford has moved to. She loves it!! It is fun to watch her face light up with delight. If Buford is at a place low enough for Brennan to touch him, she freaks out and begs us to move him so Brennan won't touch him...Because if Buford is touched, he'll lose his Christmas magic.

We really haven't talked up Santa too much. She makes a big enough deal on her own. But if you ask her what Santa is getting her for Christmas, she says "A Leap Ipad..."and if you asked her what Meme and Popie are getting her for Christmas, she'll say, "A Leap Ipad..." And it's probably true...Popie is more of a Santa Clause than the real one...always has been :)

And if you ask her why we celebrate Christmas, she'll say, "It's Jesus' birthday!" And yes, we do celebrate Jesus' birthday. Cake and all.

And she's super excited about our first Christmas production at Connection Church this coming Sunday (December 16th at 10 am at Mountain Ridge Middle School...check out makeconnection.org for more info if you are in the Denver area!!!) She has been practicing her song for the children's part...and we're going to go shopping for a new dress...and she's even practicing my song for the production with me. This girl loves to sing!

 
And...to top it all off...there's snow! That's something new for all of us!! And now that we have the right boots and gloves for Bella & Brennan, they love playing in it!!! They even had a snowball fight with each other!!!

Last night we made our annual Blakney gingerbread house. The hardest part was keeping Brennan from eating the candy before and after it was on the house! He is still trying to get to it today!!!!



It really is a fun time for our family. This is such a different, new season of life for us...but we are enjoying each moment...we are embracing all that God has for us this Christmas. Bella told us last night, "This is the best Christmas ever!" And it is true...each year of celebration for us is better than the one before.

Baby Blues

I did great for the first week. I felt great. Physically, emotionally, even spiritually...I was doing good.

Then Friday rolled around. A week and a day after I had Breelee...

And the baby blues hit me like an avalanche.

I cried all day long. About everything.

It started with a frustrating moment with our trash pick up service (or lack thereof)...which is a whole different story...but anyways, that frustration triggered an onset of emotions.

Frustration brought on tears...and then the tears didn't stop all day. Everything made me cry.

Then I started feeling homesick. It's cold here. The holidays are approaching...and I haven't seen my family since May. And I know it will be a while before I get to see them again. And everyone is going to be at my parents house for Thanksgiving this year...even those who haven't been in years...

And it's hard in a hormonal, emotional state to decipher what's reality and what's fleeting emotions.

At least I was aware that no major decisions would be made on Friday or Saturday (yes, the crying continued into part of Saturday, too).

I know my hormones are going through a 3-ring circus right now. Everything is changing in me physiologically...which is affecting my emotions...and I refuse to make decisions based on my emotions alone.

So, I just cried.

I couldn't talk to Lee without tearing up about whatever words were coming out of my mouth...if I could even get the words out of my mouth - whether that was about the stupid trash or which neighbor was bringing dinner over that night or the beautiful table that he refinished...everything - good or bad - had me a big ball of mess.

And then part of me feels like it was just the slightest bit spiritual. Just a little. I hate over-spiritualizing things.

But, I had just written a blog post the day before about how much peace we felt from God in our house. Now, looking back, I feel like that was being challenged by the enemy. And I feel like I didn't rely enough on God in my crazy state of emotions.

I'm not beating myself up about this now...I started feeling much better yesterday, and then last night we had dinner with Shawn & Amy, and we laughed together, and they encouraged us, and we walked from their house to our house feeling refreshed...

I did journal on Friday and Saturday. I did write honestly about how I was feeling...even if it was irrational. And I believe that is part of what helped me through this bout of baby blues. And I know that when I look back on it in a few days I'll be able to learn even more about myself in that experience.

(*Side note - now when I want to journal and the kids are awake, I turn on some worship music and get out a notebook for each of them and they draw and "write" like I do...it's a good time for all of us.)

 Hormones are a crazy part of pregnancy and post-partumn. They can wreak havoc on a woman and affect the rest of her family as well. I do not want to stifle my emotions, but I refuse to let them control me. I don't feel like I did or thought anything that I regret - I didn't act on those emotions. That's why journaling is so safe for me. I can process it first that way.

* I can say that after having Bella, I now think that I had post-partumn depression and just didn't get treated. The description of it says that if you don't want to take care of your baby or yourself, then you have it. Well, my problem was that I wanted to take care of her, and nursing wasn't working out for us. I cried too much...even though I was taking care of her and myself ok. I still should have gotten help. (Don't let that be the part of the description that is keeping you from getting help if you need it!!)

This is a whole new experience for us...3 kids...1400 miles away from all we've ever known...a new community...a new way of life...it really is a whole new trusting God experience.

But, we are living a story worth telling. And even when my emotions are in a chaotic state, I can trust God that He has my best interest in mind.

I Can Get Used to This

The weather is beautiful. Yesterday was a rainy, dreary day - which is my favorite kind of day - and the high was 55 degrees. It was amazing. I loved watching the clouds hover over the mountains...and hearing the rain...and feeling the cool breeze...and smelling the pumpkin candle I was burning...It was a gorgeous day to me...and yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

It makes me look forward to the snowy days that are coming...and it is not a matter of "if," it's a matter of "when" they come!!!!

Lee has been able to work more from home. His Apple interview went great - like incredible - and there are no openings right now. They said that they like to have people "on the bench" ready when they need them, but as of now, there is nothing open...and they are not sure when there will be. That seems a little crazy to us, but there's nothing else we can do about it. He's looking into another job...and we are both confident that God is in control in this whole situation. He's providing for us.

Thankfully our friends, families, churches and businesses who have continued supporting us through this transition have helped us be able to focus on the starting the church and taking care of those needs. We are so grateful for our support team. So grateful. God has tremendously blessed us, and we know that lives are being changed in Highlands Ranch because of their love and financial support!

I've loved having Lee at home more. The kids have too. We've been able to practice music together (since I'll get to sing on the worship team when I'm not teaching in our Adventure Kids service or having a baby). He still goes out to take care of church business, but he's actually been able to take Bella or Brennan with him at times, which the kids love. And I do too.


We just feel so blessed to be here. We are really adjusting well.

Bella is so excited about our Adventure Kids Church. She loves being a part of it all!
And she loves loves loves her school. She woke up before I did this morning, and she dressed herself - cowboy boots and all...so unbelievably cute. I love her school too. The director has been so kind and encouraging to us. It's a wonderful place. And I can usually leave Brennan with Lee when I go to drop her off...which gives me a little free time to myself.

Brennan seems to love it here too. He's communicating really well...almost too well...and he loves to be able to go into our backyard whenever he wants to play...and I love that he can. He's such a boy! He's done really well being a part of the church plant too..

The baby in my belly is quite active. I've dealt with the normal aches and pains of pregnancy, and I feel very confident in the doctors who are taking care of me. Again, another blessing here in Colorado.

God is good to us...not just when our circumstances are going good, but all the time...He is good.

Readers = Leaders...Some books that have helped me along the way

I'm an avid reader. I've always loved to read. As a teenager, my cousin Sylvia and our friend Amy and I would pass around books...we would rush each other to finish reading it, especially if it was in a series. And our moms did this as well. Our libraries were huge!

I haven't been reading as much since I had kids...for one thing it's hard to carve in the time...and as much as I loved loved loved staying up late reading...I don't get to sleep as late with the little ones. (Especially right now since I'm having some pregnancy insomnia...ulgh)

But, I'd like to share some books that I have read recently that have helped me - both in my personal life and in my marriage and as a mom.

1) Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
    This book has changed my life. I love the subtitle...Knowing when to say yes and how to say no to take control of your life. I have taken on guilt in the past - unnecessary guilt that I bring on myself - and this book has helped me deal with it and so much more. So much more. I highly recommend this book to read at any point of your life...it brought me freedom that I needed...that I wasn't allowing myself to have. I loved this book! I'm also reading another book Dr. Henry Cloud wrote called Raising Great Kids...and there are other specific areas of Boundaries...including Boundaries with Kids (another future book I'll be reading).




2) Baby Wise by Dr. Gary Ezzo & Robert Bucknam
    This book as well as the next one - PreToddler Wise - really helped me in dealing with our kids. I didn't really follow the schedule/routine with Brennan, but I'm planning on doing it with this next kid. It worked wonders with Bella. Even last night, Bella was tired so she announced, "I'm going to bed..." and walked to her room and got in bed waiting for us to tuck her in and pray with her. She does that regularly for naps, too. I attribute that to these books helping me.





3) A Million Miles in a Thousand Years...by Donald Miller
   He wrote Blue Like Jazz, which was a great book...but this second one is about him turning Blue Like Jazz into a movie...and how he realized he needed to live a life that was worth telling. This book challenged Lee & me so much. A lot of why we moved to Colorado to help start a church was because of this book. We want to live a life that is worth telling...and we want that for our kids too.
One of my favorite missionary families is the Tilleys. Rodney Tilley has some amazing stories to tell...crazy things that don't happen in most peoples' every day lives. It's those kinds of stories and faith that inspire me...and this book helped that inspiration become a challenge that was even more real - and we believe that we can have that for ourselves.


4) Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster
This book is not one that you can just sit down and read cover to cover in a week. There are 12 disciplines that are covered, and you should take at the minimum a week to practice each discipline. I would recommend practicing one for a month. Focusing on one discipline at a time was challenging. The first time we did this was during our Chi Alpha internship. It's something like I've enjoyed repeating. This is also a book that changed our marriage. It helped Lee & I get on the same page...and the chapter on confession brought a whole new level of honesty and openness to our marriage that we had never, ever experienced before.

There are soooo many more books that have challenged me and helped me grow. And the authors of these books are soooo different in their writing styles and techniques, but I've enjoyed reading them - and would consider them to be an "easy" read.

And for those of you who are thinking, I hate reading...It takes me forever to read a book...I have one more suggestion for you...

5) The Princeton Review has a book called Ten Days to Faster Reading. It's a book about improving your reading speed, comprehension, and retention. I used it when I taught an ACT prep class at Pineville High School. I personally increased my reading speed with this book, and I had several students increase theirs as well...even to the point of improving their ACT scores in the reading section. So, this can work for you too! It's worth the investment in the book and the 20 minutes for 10 days that it will take to go through it.





I've heard it said before, "Leaders = Readers & Readers = Leaders." God has given us the opportunity to improve our knowledge with the plethora of books available to us. I want to do my part by reading all that I can to be a better person...and help others grow along the way!