Missing Blog Posts

I've written and erased a few blog entries lately. I'm not always the best at communicating how I feel. Sometimes I can get my point across concisely...other times I feel like I'm just rambling. I feel like I've been rambling a lot. Therefore, no posts.

Then there is this feeling that I have to be upbeat and positive in my posts. And to be honest, it's hard to be upbeat and positive all of the time. Therefore, no posts.

So, where does that leave me today? I like blogging. I like sharing my thoughts. I like thinking that there is someone out there who is reading this who knows how I feel...understands where I am...or may be going through what I'm going through. This helps me. I refuse to let my blog become my personal journal. Some thoughts are better left unshared.

I have been reading and participating in the Joli blog - www.joliblog.org, which is for the women of Crossroads Church in Lafayette, LA. Twice a week the posts are dedicated to the online Bible study of the book So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. I think that I'm seeing more and more that my insecurity is appearing perfect. I don't know where that comes from. I know that I'm not perfect, but my pride wants me to believe that I am. I want to appear that I have it all together. That there are no cracks in the surface of me, and that the deeper you go the better I become. As I write this, I realize how ridiculous this sounds. It's embarrassing. But it's true. I want to seem perfect, like the best at what I'm good at - because I know I'm not good at everything, but what I am good at, I should be the best.

Maybe I'm being a little too honest here. Maybe not. Maybe I need help. Maybe I'll just post it...