One of our recent doctor visits was for Bella's foot. Last Friday when she woke up, she didn't want me to put her down. Not unusual...she has thrown some major fits in the past because I put her down too soon after she woke up. So, I sat her on the couch with me and Brennan. After about 10 minutes, she got off of the couch and started crying. She limped to what she wanted, and then began holding her knee in pain. I sat on the floor with her, and a few other times when she got up, the same thing happened. She grabbed her knee and started crying.
As I began to investigate, I began to freak out. I knew she was in pain. I had given her enough time that if her foot had fallen asleep it should have been back to normal. I took her jammies off and looked at her knee and I didn't notice anything. I briefly looked at her feet, but I was more concerned with her knee. The panic inside of me rose. We have a friend whose little girl has spent the past year at St. Jude's in Memphis because she had a tumor behind her knee, and the way that they found it was because she started complaining that her knee hurt. They have been through all kinds of chemo and radiation treatments for too long. Thankfully she is better, but it has been so hard on their family. I couldn't imagine going through that with my happy, healthy baby girl. I also know young families who have lost their 4 year old daughter to cancer.
Yes, at this point, I was thinking the worst.
I called Lee. He also began to think the worst. He had a lot to do at Chi Alpha that day, but thankfully the interns were able to cover it for him. He came home and waited with me for our 2:15 pm doctor's appointment. He began investigating Bella's little leg, knee and ankle. By the time he had gotten home, Bella's ankle was swelling and bruised looking. He would try to get her to walk on it, and she just screamed and cried. It was so sad. What was even sadder is that she crawled all over the house to get to what she wanted. Even when she went outside to get in the car, she crawled in the yard. That's serious for her.
It took forever at the doctor's office. When he came in, he looked intently at her hip, leg, knee and foot. She cried and cried. When I asked her to walk for him, she just cried. Then he said the magic words, "Do you like stickers?"
I told Bella she had to walk to get them (she knows exactly where to go). I set her down, and she held onto the door frame for a few seconds. She limped a couple of steps and then walked perfectly down the hall. We asked for a sticker, and she asked for a sucker (because you can't have one without the other)...and then she limped for the first few steps back, and then walked perfectly down the hall. Then she even got chatty with the doctor, which hasn't happened yet. So, he told us that if it was still bad, we should have it x-rayed on Monday.
She limped a few times on Friday night, but she's definitely better!
So, here's the faith struggle. Do I believe that she was not really that hurt??? or, Do I believe that she was hurt, and God answered our prayers to heal her???
I choose to believe that God healed my baby girl. She was hurting. She was in pain. Her ankle was swollen and God took it all away.
My faith is not as strong as I would like for it to be. I don't want to always assume the worst. I don't want to believe that God isn't going to do what I know that He can do. I want to be stronger in my faith. I want to believe that God can use a sticker to heal my little girl.
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