Thursday, July 18, 2019

Entangled

I was going to start a whole new blog...

But I kinda like having everything here. Someday I may update it more, but for just writing like I am doing, this is a perfect place for me to share!

I haven't posted something since 2016 - that's 3 years!

Oh My Word!

I'm sure there are a ton of posts I could look back on and catch up on, but just like I teach with my journaling class...just jump in where you are.

It's been a different kind of season of life.

Most people see our highlight reel on social media, whenever I decide to post (which is few and far between nowadays)...

Most people don't see the day to day life...the daily struggles...the mental battles we go through...

And to be honest, I haven't felt compelled to share them. Maybe someday. Maybe just one for now...

It's a quieter season of life. More secluded.

I still struggle with the false feeling like I need to appear like I have everything together. And honestly, nothing is "really" wrong...just struggles with the expectations I set on myself and I assume are set on me by others.

That's a dangerous place to be! haha

It's dangerous because I don't allow myself to be the special child of God that I was created to be. I try to cover my imperfections instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to work on me.

I've been dealing a lot with anger. I never really thought that was something I would struggle with as a believer.

Little things make me angry. Big things make me angry. One mention of something can be like pulling a trigger on a grenade and seconds later it just explodes. I explode. Or implode...and Lee is the one who sees it.

It's been a struggle.

I could blame it on "getting older so the hormones are changing..." or being tired because Breelee still doesn't sleep through the night, and when she does, Brennan doesn't...

But it's in me.

Recently my dad preached at church, and he focused on the Scripture::

Hebrews 12:1-3 New International Version (NIV)

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

New International Version (NIV)

While he was reading this, I could literally see vines wrapping around my ankles...entangling me. Stopping me. Causing me to stumble and fall.

Each and every time I get angry.

I want to throw it off. I want to run the race of faith without being entangled. And now that I am aware of this, I must do something about it. It will take much prayer, gentle guidance from the Holy Spirit, and accountability from my husband.

The enemy does not want this though, and I seem to get more opportunities to work through this than I'd like.

But I must keep going. We all must keep going!

When you feel like there something is entangling you, what do you do to keep going?

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

#MOMFAIL Moment

The past few days I had an awful headache...one like I haven't had in a very long time.

My sweet Bella took such good care of me and her siblings yesterday while her daddy was at work.

I was up and about for a little while, but it got to the point where I just wanted to lay down to rest is out so it wouldn't get worse.

She checked on me often, and kept her brother and sister hydrated and entertained! That's not always an easy task!

Plus she brought me a wet rag for my head and a cup of water to drink. She's so thoughtful.

She's such a sweet, caring, fun-loving girl.

I appreciate her love for life so very much.

And after all of that...right before bedtime...I fussed at her for kicking her brother in the face (accidentally) when she was doing a cartwheel in the living room.

I blew it. It was one of those #momfail moments.

I am thankful for God's grace and mercy...that I was able to ask for forgiveness and hug it out with her...I know I hurt her feelings.

So much goodness can be lost in seconds.

I need to get better about not overreacting to such little things that just don't matter.

Kids are going to be kids. Rambunctious. Loud. Chaos-causing. Seeking fun and adventure.

It's my job to show them love, peace, grace, mercy...and so much more. I want to be patient with them. I want to be consistent with them. I want to provide a nurturing environment so that they can grow to be the best version of themselves. I don't want to stifle anything.

In life...not just parenthood...we blow it. We make mistakes. It's important that we own up to it. Don't blame bad attitudes, bad days, or someone else. Make the best of that. Learn from it and move on!!

Friday, April 1, 2016

How Reflecting Builds My Faith

Reflection is an important tool in our personal growth.

It helps us see where we've been...how far we've come...where we need to go...

I usually spend some time going through my journals and re-reading what I wrote.

And with things like the Timehop app, I can see everything that was posted in the past on this day. Like these sweet memories...

Sometimes these posts are funny. Sometimes they are scary. Sometimes they are sad.

Right now, I am realizing how much life has changed for us.

Instead of mountains and snow, I see swamps and mud puddles.

Wasps, bees, and fire ants are a constant part of our adventures outside instead of white-tailed bunnies and the deer that would walk through our neighborhood.

We actually count alligators on the side of the road much like we were able to count deer there.

We don't have the daily knock on the door from our neighborhood kids ready to play, but we do get to set up play dates and see our friends at co-op meetings during the week as well as making new friends at church twice a week now.

We know that we'll get to enjoy the summer days here...even though they may not seem as long and as full of sunshine as they did there. We know that the humidity will feel thicker and the air much hotter here during those days.

I know that Lee is enjoying getting to know and work with his new Apple team here, but I know that he misses his friends at the Aspen Grove Apple Store.

I am so grateful for the house we are living in now...it's the most comforting thing to know we had a place to come to from Colorado...no wait...it was ready for us...and we are able to look for a permanent home now without a rush of a sudden deadline, but I do miss our house on Fairwood Street...and our amazing view from the back deck!

I miss getting to see my sweet girlfriends...and I am so thankful that I am able to stay in touch with them through text and Facebook messenger, and I am also thankful for the ladies who are coming into my life now...and that I get to see my mom, my sister, nieces, and cousins more often now.

We had some really good times in Colorado. I know that we made some really good friends in Colorado. I know that we are better people and closer to God because of our experiences in Colorado.

It was an adventure that we were called to take.

And it was that adventure that led us to the adventure we are on now!!

I know that God has great plans for us. I know that He is not finished with us. He didn't drop us off in Boutte, Louisiana to forget us and forsake us.

The best part of our story hasn't happened yet.

I refuse to live in the past.

Wednesday night, at the Alpha Bible study at Life Church Boutte, I read a quote by Nicky Gumbel that was in the book::

Faith is not a blind leap, but a step forward, based on evidence.

That really has me thinking... a step forward...based on evidence.

Evidence from my personal experiences and the Word of God.

Another quote from the book was::

Faith = taking God's promises and daring to believe them.

Living by faith is an adventure!! I continue to trust that as God leads me and Lee, we will follow Him in obedience and He WILL come through. He's done it before. He will continue to do it again and again. Because He loves me.

And He loves you. Just as much as He loves me. We are all God's favorites...as I was kindly reminded this week by my sweet professor from Southwestern Dr. Amy Alexander...

I will continue to reflect...reflect on the promises of God...reflect on the good times and the bad...the moments that have made me stronger.

And as I reflect, I know my faith will keep growing stronger and keep us on this wonderful adventure!!

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